bec's.blog

say.cheese

2011-06-16T17:25:00.001-07:00

Charlie has decided that this is his "best smile" face...Hm. It's not the best smile but it just may be the cutest face EVER!

prima.ballerina

2011-06-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

When I was three I was in a ballet class. It didn't last long, not because I wasn't talented, but because I was humiliated. Well, let's be honest, I probably wasn't that talented either. The only memory I have was that my friend was talking to me and I asked her to be quiet. In that moment the teacher saw me, yelled at me and had me stand in the corner facing the wall. I still remember the feeling...mortification.

Years later, aka now, I have been taking Claudia to ballet. Her experience has been the polar opposite of mine. When she is in class her entire being radiates joy. It is so much fun to watch! Two weekends ago she was in a little performance and it was so incredibly cute. I watched the two minute dance with a smile on my face. And then I cried...I am one proud nanny!

addicted.

2011-05-28T13:38:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Becca and I'm addicted to shopping. There, I said it. My sister has been telling me this for years, but I refused to acknowledge it. But then I found myself in the shoe department at Nordstrom yesterday, eyes closed, breathing in the intoxicating smell of new shoes and it hit me, "Becca, you have a problem." I've heard that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery...here's to hoping.

total.eclipse.of.the.heart

2011-05-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was out at Washington Family Ranch for a women's weekend. Although we arrived late on friday, skipped the sessions on saturday for some much needed time in the sun and only heard two talks, it was a lot of fun. Anytime I can get away and relax, especially out at the Ranch, it's a good time! Saturday night we had an 80's dinner and it was so fun to dress up and dance to 80's music. I was more of a 90's child considering the fact that I was 8 when the 80's were over, but I tell you, I kind of dig the 80's. The movies and music are BOMB; the clothes...not so great. We looked pretty great though!!

Rocking it

Julie Reeves

Sweet Olivia

Maria

Stacy, who looked AWESOME! She totally channeled the friend from "The Wedding Singer"

Some of the ladies in my room

birthday.dinner

2011-05-22T13:55:00.001-07:00

Last month my roommate Maria and best friend Stacy planned a birthday dinner for me at Henry's Tavern downtown in the Pearl District. It was a lot of fun to have some of my dearest friends come together and celebrate with me. Thanks my lovely friends!!

Maria and Cate

Mar

Dear friend Ashley

Kristi, Maria and Cate

My best friend Stacy and one of my oldest friends (and new mommy!!) Julia

anthropologie.

2011-05-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have a new obsession. It's a good thing that I don't have a lot of money because I would NOT be able to resist spending it at Anthropologie. They have the coolest stuff but it is so expensive. I have been itching to redecorate something, namely my room. I don't have the finances to do an overhaul, so instead I am just making myself crazy and drooling over the possibilities...

I love exposed brick. It is a secret dream of mine to live in a cool vintage apartment in either Chicago or NYC that has exposed brick.

I would love to take a square of this wallpaper, frame it and put in in a collage.

I LOVE these colors. I don't love the black paint, but the colors of the quilt and the chandelier are gorgeous!

I love the texture of this bedspread, the airy feel of the room, the chair and the vintage distressed dresser.

I love the headboard in this room. (The guy in the painting totally freaks me out.)

The brightness of the colors are this quilt are beautiful. I love the contrast of the colors and the complimentary throw pillows.

This shelf and frames above the bed are my favorite. The bedding is so simple, but the way that this is all put together is so amazing. When can I move in here?!

29.

2011-04-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

It was twenty-nine years ago that I, in all my messy glory, emerged from my mother's birth canal. What a glorious day it was! My poor mother had not only been laborously walking the halls for 24 hours, I also decided to stay in my cozy little sack for two extra weeks. No thank you. (To my future children, that will not be happening. Don't get too overly comfy in there...that is if I'm still able to bare children at the ripe old age of 65 when I'll probably, finally get married.)

I was thinking about this birthday. The last year in my 20's...Honestly, I thought I would be married with at least two kids by now. I was feeling depressed about the fact that the one goal I have has not been reached. Instead of sitting around and wallowing in things that I cannot change, I decided to think about the things that I have done in my 20's. So here it is folks...In no particular order, 29 things from my 20's!!

1.) I spent my 20th birthday on a flight over to France. It was the shortest birthday EVER, but quite possibly the coolest.
2.) I graduated college.
3.) I went on a trip to Africa.
4.) I got a tatoo.
5.) I had my first serious relationship.
6.) I took a trip to Italy with my grandma.
7.) I moved into Portland.
8.) I paid off $13,500 in debt in a year.
9.) I bought a car.
10.)I went to Paris with my best friend Erica and my parents.
11.)I became a young life leader.
12.)I lost friendships.
13.)I became a little obsessed with clothes, specifically boots.
14.)I fell in love with art.
15.)I bought a dog, had a bit of an anxiety attack and sold it two days later.
16.)I began my job as a nanny.
17.)I went to Italy with the family I nanny for.
18.)I became an auntie...three times.
19.)I gained some life changing friendships.
20.)I went to Slovenia on a mission trip.
21.)I got my heart broken.
22.)I became addicted to coffee.
23.)I was in nine weddings.
24.)I had my first drink.
25.)I went to Prague.
26.)My type-A, ocd kicked into full force.
27.)I fell in love with NYC.
28.)I fell in love.
29.)I learned that no matter what I do, God still desires to have a relationship with me. He loves me, unabashedly. He waits for me. He pursues me, relentlessly. I learned that I am broken, but God still chooses to use me. He is the only one who has always been there and always will be. He is the one who has saved me, the one I boast in, the one I live for. And most definitely the one I love.

I think that 30 will come too soon. I have a pretty good feeling that despite my dreams of being married and having a family by the time I'm 30 won't happen. (Well, technically the dream was for it to happen by 25...Not so much.) I'm really going to try to be okay with that. God has blessed me in so many ways and I need to focus on that. So that's my new goal, count the blessings, not the frustrations. Here's to 29!

full.spectrum

2011-04-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Right now, in this moment, I am defeated. My emotions have been all over the map today, going from one extreme to the other.

This afternoon I had a young life banquet in which one of my campaigner girls was able to share her testimony. Emma is super shy, yet she rose to the challenge of standing up in front of over a hundred people to share how the ministry of young life has changed her. As I listened to her, my eyes filled with tears. I was so moved by her words and was feeling unbelievably blessed to have had the priviledge to be a part of her story. I am still amazed that God chooses to use me, as busted as they come, to impact the lives of others. It was so encouraging and reassured me that God has me where I am for a reason.

Shortly after the banquet I had a conversation that was discouraging and instantly filled me with stressful frustration. On one hand, I am able to build relationships with girls who desire to not only be in relationship with me, but also desire to deepen their relationships with Christ. Yet at the same time, there are others who say one thing and do another. It is so defeating to pour yourself into someone, to pursue and pray for them, only to have them shut down and walk away. I am left feeling overwhelmed and stressed. My heart physically aches.

Every year I ask myself if I still want to be a young life leader. Thus far, I have always answered yes. I wish that every relationship that I am able to build looked like Emma's, yet that doesn't happen. All in all, God calls us to be faithful and obedient. He calls us to trust him and that is what I am clumsily trying to do. On days like today, the only thing that gives me hope is knowing that he is in control and I am able to rest in that.

dreams.

2011-03-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

Back in January I went to a weekend leadership retreat for young life. We spent the nice and cozy weekend at a house in Maupin, relishing in the beautiful views, good company, uplifting fellowship and times of reflection. One of the sessions was focused on our dreams, not the dreams that visit you in your sleep, rather the ones that you desire to accomplish. We were told that we had to write down at least twenty in the 9 minutes we were given, and both possible and impossible dreams should be featured. For the first few minutes I just sat there. Twenty dreams??! That seemed impossible. Yet as I allowed myself to think outside of my realistic box, I was able to jot down a few. The first one that came to mind and seemed to be something I could accomplish was this: write and publish a children's book.

I have always loved to write. I remember restarting up the school newspaper in middle school and being so excited to write stories. In high school, my journalism teacher sent in a few of my articles to contests and a couple of them won awards. My first job at OSU was as a writing assistant in the writing center. Writing papers at Multnomah was one of my favorite things; the longer the better!

After I graduated college, one of the jobs I had was at a preschool. I remember reading a book to the kids and thinking, "I can do WAY better than this! I should write children's books..." And I did. To date, I have written four. They are all sitting very nicely on my computer. I don't know where to go from here. Because I am a realist, I don't believe that anything will ever happen with it. But what if, for a moment, I make the choice to allow my dream to float out of my box and come true...Maybe I'll be forced to dream more often.

Worth a thousand words

2011-03-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

I remember back to when I was in high school and FINALLY got my own room. I had shared a room with 1-3 of my siblings until I was a sophomore in high school, and beleive me, the day I moved m stuff into the next room was highly anticipated!! I decided that it would be a good idea to basically wallpaper one of the walls with pictures. And with a little tape, my picture wall was a reality. I loved it, no matter how unorganized and unclassy it looked.

Photography has always intrigued me. I am mesmerized by the ability to catch little moments, capture them and create them to be something that doesn't just pass. I admire those who can look at an ordinary scene and make it something unique and beautiful. One of my dreams in life is to take a photography class. It sounds simple, but it is something that I have yet to do. I do enjoy taking pictures, but I would like to perfect my amateur hobby.

Yesterday, I had the day off of work. I asked Erica, Stacy and the girls to come downtown for lunch and a photo session. I was able to capture some cool moments and am so thankful that I was able to spend the day doing this. Here are some of my favorite shots:

just.me

2011-03-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

For some reason, starting a blog post is always the hardest part for me. I often feel like I have more than enough to say, but sitting in front of a blank screen and trying to get out what is jumbled in my head can be so very daunting. The lights are off, the heater in on, my thoughts are reeling and the tv is droning in the background. Here I sit...

It's obviously been awhile since I last put in the effort to blog. I feel as though my life is rather insignificant. I go through many of my days on autopilot, thankfully bored by the uneventful things that take place. It doesn't seem to be an enthralling read to me.

All in all, I decided to refresh my blog with a new look and write about things other than my day to day life. I would love to share my dreams, the things I love, the things I'm passionate about. I desire to be transparent and authentic. Over these past couple of months, I have realized that I want to be free to be me. I have always known that God made me uniquely, yet at the same time I have desperately tried to be the person that I want others to see me as. That is exhausting.

In January I had the opportunity to attend my mom's cousin's funeral. Jenni died of cancer. She fought long and hard, leaving behind four devestated children and an even more heart broken husband. I didn't personally know her that well, but tears streamed steadily from my eyes throughout the service. Jenni knew who she was, embraced it and made no apologies for it. She was full of life and used every opportunity that God gave her.

That is how I want to be. I may be introverted and enjoy spending time alone, but I want to touch people's lives. I may love to shop and have the clothes to prove it, but I want to be generous with my money. I may work long days and spent most of them exhausted, but I want to be somebody that is there for people no matter what. I may be broken, but God uses those who have nothing to give. And I'm not making any apologies for it.

So, here it is. Just me...

I got...

2010-05-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

I got a tattoo. My mother was mortified, which I wasn't shocked about. I'd been thinking about it for about a year and on a somewhat thought out whim, which I understand is an oxymoron but still makes sense, I did it. I decided to get the word "unabashedly" because to me it represents the way that God loves me; no holding back, no resrvations, without fear.

On just as an exciting note, I also got a new camera. A nice camera. A Nikon DX 3000 to be exact and I L-O-V-E it! The pictures that it takes are amazing. Here is a sampling for your enjoyment!

Have you still no faith?

2010-04-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

"And a great windstorm arose and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he (Jesus) was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who is this that even the wind and the sea obey him?" Mark 4:37-41 ESV

Have you still no faith... I so desperately wish that my reaction to this situation would be different than that of the disciples. I often find myself getting frustrated with the disciples or others when I read my Bible because they just didn't get it. You're with JESUS!! Seriously, get it together! Yet today as I was reading in Mark, this story, one which I've read a million times, stopped me in my tracks. I placed myself on that vulnerable and rickety boat, my lungs gasping in the salty air as waves invaded my inner sanctuary, my world being shaken to its core while Jesus slept, and I realized something. I would have reacted the exact same way. Have you still NO FAITH? No, I guess I don't.

I remember taking a class at Multnomah in which we did a semester on the book of Jonah. I knew the story, but I had never taken the time to really study it. Let me tell you, about three weeks in I decided that I had a substantial amount of disdain for him. I was actually angry with him. What was up with his running away from God, deciding his way was better and then yelling at God in the end because God was merciful when Jonah didn't think he should have been? Seriously Jonah?? Who do you think you are? But then week four came and it all clicked--regretfully I was Jonah. Have you still no faith?

Jonah experienced God speaking to him. Actually SPEAKING to him. Yet he ran. The disciples walked with Jesus. They lived life together. They claimed to know him. Yet in the moments of the storm they forgot who he was. Today as I was reading this I didn't get frustrated with them because I got it. No matter how time passes and no matter how God shows up in your life, we are all still human. We forget who God is and allow fear to overtake us. We decide that our way is better. We cry out in desperation, only to have God answer us, "Have you still no faith?"

One of my favorite things about God is that he doesn't change. Every box that I try to fit him in is shattered by who he really is. And when he asks me the question, "Have you still no faith?" I watch in awe as he rebukes the wind and the sea. I realize that at times I will panic in the midst of a storm, and there will probably be times when I won't be as impressed when he calms my storms. But today, in this moment, I feel relieved that the discples were scared because often times I am too, and I feel humbled to know that time after time Jesus will calm the seas and restore my faith in him.

simply.beautiful

2010-04-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

So seriously cute!!

2010-03-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

I can't get over how CUTE Bekah is!! Granted she's got some great genes--I've been told on numerous occasions that she looks a ton like me. Lucky girl! :)Here is the latest picture that was so adorable I started to cry because I just want to see her SO incredibly bad. I love the little darling so much!!!!!

SS Crain

2010-02-15T12:36:00.001-08:00

Today is the day that my dear friend Stacy Suzanne (Hill) Crain was born, 28 years ago. I am so very glad that her parents decided to procreate and she was the amazing result of that!

Stacy and I met about 14 years ago at cheerleading tryouts the spring before our freshman year of high school. I saw her and couldn't figure out why somebody's little sister was there. She was a tad on the tiny side! :) We ended up making the squad together, were in the same stunt group, were science partners and in choir together. We became dear friends, and that has continued on to today.

Stacy had her daughter Piper about three months before Claudia was born and it has been so much fun for us to do play dates together. We have been able to meet almost every week since the girls were about 3-6months and it has been a HUGE blessing for all of us. We were walking to the park with the kids just this last week and we looked at each other and wondered how we got there. Are we really carting around two kids each?? It seems like just yesterday we were freshman in high school, cheering together and causing a ruckus in Mr. Starr's science class.

Stacy, thank you for your friendship. Thank you for loving me no matter what and for always being there. Thank you for dropping what you're doing to be there for me when I need you. I don't know how many times I've called you in tears and you have been there, no questions asked. Knowing that I can come to you with anything is so relieving to me. Sometimes I wonder how we ended up as friends--we're so different! :) But I know that my life wouldn't be the same without you. You mean the world to me!! I hope that you have an amazing birthday. Know that you are dearly loved! Let's be friends until we're 98. :) (Of course if I'm still alive at 98, I give you full permission to shoot me. Who wants to be alive at 98??) Love you sister!!

Funny Girl

2010-02-14T23:21:00.001-08:00

Claudia says the funniest things and I have been meaning to document them. I know that she's not mine, but I figure that these things are still important to jot down.

The other day I was peeling an orange and she asked if she could have some. I nodded and told her she could in a minute(I was peeling it for her). She got right up in my face, put her hands on my cheeks and said, "Becca, we share with our friends." Why yes indeed we do!

We went to go play at Piper's house the other day and the girls with rolling around on the floor together and Claudia was tickling Piper. The conversation went a little like this:
Claudia, "I need some water Piper."
Piper, "It's upstairs." (Which it totally wasn't-Claudia's cup was literally RIGHT next to her.)
Claudia: "Well then lets go upstairs!"
Piper ignores her.
Claudia (much more emphatically), "Piper, let' go upSTAIRS!"
Piper, "No Claudia, I'm too tired...(very dramatically). Will you carry me?"
Claudia, "No, I'm too tired too..."
Yeah, like Claudia could even begin to carry Piper up the stairs!! So funny.

The other weekend she sat across the table from her parents, at two separate times, and with her face cupped in her hands said, "Daddy/Mommy, we need to have a conversation."

She is a very determined child and doesn't like no for an answer. Our conversations often go like this:
Claudia, "I'm really hungry Becca."
Me, "We just had lunch so we aren't going to eat any more right now."
Claudia, "But yes I AM hungry."
Me, "I'm not saying that you're not hungry. I am saying that we aren't going to eat any more right now."
Claudia, "But yes I AM!" Tears usually follow.

The other night Ewan and Lauren got home about the same time. The house was a bit chaotic, what with the excitment of them being home and me trying to tell them about the day. Ewan let Holly out (the dog)and after about 30 seconds of her being out Claudia says, "We need to get Holly inside. She's barking up a storm."

There are so many more that I can't remember. She is such a funny kid and constantly makes me laugh. Now that she's caught on that she can be pretty funny, she'll say something and then go, "That was funny. I'm funny Becca." Yes my love, you sure are!

Blessed

2010-01-16T20:47:00.000-08:00

My new found passion for blogging is already starting to slowly die...I knew that this would happen! Being alone with a dog for a week has left me without much to blog about. I guess my mind has been occupied with other things as well. (And just for the record, I am doing alright. I'm not fantastic but am not wallowing in grief every second either. For the first time this week I haven't cried today, so kudos to me.) I am excited for Claudia and Charlie to come home so that I can keep busy with work. I pick them up in a hour and can't wait to see them! So today, and most other days as well, I am thankful for them. And for Ewan and Lauren, who have produced the most adorable children ever and have been so wonderful in making me a part of their family. Despite my woes, I truly am blessed.

Majestic

2010-01-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

Here I go with two posts in one day. I'm been trying to focus more on God's greatness and I wanted to share these pictures, which I think are a pretty fantastic representation of that.

A look-out point about fifteen minutes from my parents house. It has the most amazing view of Mt. Hood and you can see the river cutting through the valley.

The sunrise at Washington Family Ranch, taken this summer at YL camp.

Strength from above

2010-01-13T11:36:00.001-08:00

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Repeated over and over and over....

Broken

2010-01-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

I wish I knew the plans God has for me. Living blindly is hard. Making decisions that you know are right often times hurt. Right now I'm realizing both of these things and feel tragically broken...

Its official...

2010-01-10T18:53:00.000-08:00

...a broken heart sucks.

Inspiration

2010-01-09T14:29:00.000-08:00

Over Christmas break I watched "Julie and Julia" and got inspired. Not to cook, that would be a miracle, but to be more proactive in my blogging. I'm definitely not going to commit to blogging every day, but I would like to try to blog a few days a week. I'm sure that many of them will be short rather than long, but at least I'm trying! I would like to focus on things that I'm thankful for and this little love bug gets the first entry! I had so much fun with Bek over Christmas and am praying that they move here at some point so I can love on her all the time. :)

Charlie Rose

2009-10-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

He's here! Charles Whitney Rose was born last Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 520pm, weighing 8lbs and measuring 21in long. He is beautiful!! Claudia is so excited to be a big sister and I am excited to be able to take care of both of these precious treasures.

Chloe Tyler Crain

2009-08-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

Today the anticipation over my best friend Stacy's baby being born was over!! Chloe Tyler decided to grace us with her presence at 12:57pm weighing 7lbs 8oz. She is twenty inches long and is perfect! She has a mouth like her mama's and looks like she may have red hair like her daddy! Stacy was induced this morning, started having contractions around 830am, her water broke at 1145am and Chloe was born a little over an hour later. Stacy said that the labor was intense and the epidural didn't numb all the way because of how fast Chloe came. Lucky for Stacy it was only four pushes and then the little love bug was out! :)Chloe is doing fantastic with breast feeding. She has a calm demeaner, hardly cried when she got her shots, slept through most of her bath and is just perfect! I'm so HAPPY she's here!! (And so is her mama, even though she crapped on her as soon as they put Chloe on Stacy's chest! Too funny.)

A Day in the Life of Claudia

2009-08-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Hi! My name is Claudia is I turned two in June. Here is a glimpse into my crazy and wonderful life...

I love to go to OMSI! Last week my nanny Becca took me there and it was so much fun. I got to listen to different sounds in BIG headphones to see how my hearing was (I passed in case you're wondering).

WOW, I can't believe how big those teeth are!!!

I decided that I look really good on tv, so look for me coming to a channel near you! All the local weather reporters better watch out!

I got to "play" the piano without even touching the circles! So cool.

I liked looking at the slides that showed the growth of Alzeimers diease on the brain. I may end up being a doctor just like my mommy!

When I'm around the house I like to take off my clothes. It's my new thing! In this picture I had my diaper off too and was running around in my pink Croc's and my pink "daimond" bracelet. Nanny Becca said I was a real looker!

This is my "Oh my goodness, I'm naked" face!

Nanny Becca taught me how to put my finger up to my mouth when I'm thinking about something. We do this together and say, "Hmmmmmmm...." It usually helps us figure things out pretty quick.

But the best days are when I get to see my very bestest friend Piper!! We got to go to Sauvie Island and visit Kruger Farm.

We got to chase the chickens which was probably almost the most fun thing I've ever done! When they saw me tromping around in my boots they ran away pretty fast! :)

I l-o-v-e flowers and I l-o-v-e Becca!!

Piper and I had fun filling this water bowl for the doggies full of rocks! I like to do things that Piper does.

I couldn't believe how tall all of the sunflowers were!! Nanny Becca thought I was pretty cute walking down the rows of flowers, especially when I'd stop and smell them.

We got to pick flowers and I helped Becca make TWO huge bouquets.

This is my special flower that I got. Don't worry, I made sure to get one for my baby doll too--she loved it!

I live a good life!! Stay tuned for more fun times!

Lovey

2009-08-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

Lauren took this picture of Claudia when they were in Cape Cod and my heart literally melted when I saw it. Such a doll!!

RAshley

2009-08-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

Last weekend one of my dearest friends got married. It was a beautiful wedding and I was ecsatic to be a part of it. Ryan and Ashley have been together for about five years and have been through a lot in their relationship. It is so neat to be a part of something that God has obviously ordained. Knowing their hearts made this day that much better. It was a huge celebration and I'm so excited for their future together!!

Little Buggie Boo

2009-08-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

I have been having so much fun with Claudia. She is so seriously cute and like always, I LOVE going to work in the morning. Here are some pictures of all of our fun! They are of the Rose Gardens, the Children's museum, The Zoo and a couple of parks.

WaFaRa...

2009-08-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

...aka Washington Family Ranch, aka "The Ranch", aka Wildhorse Canyon. Camp this year was great as expected. My cabin consisted of six campers, two student leaders and Ashley and myself. It was small, but I really loved that. It gave me the chance to get the know all of the girls and spend some quality time with all of them. Out of the ten of us in our cabin, five were already believers. By the end of the week, three of the other five accepted Christ, with one of the other girls thinking about things. It was so exciting to be a part of the process with these girls!! It's always amazing to me to see God transform lives and work on the hearts of his children.
This years activities included all the normal things, the swing, the ropes course, the ridge runners and the (stupid) bikes. I successfully survived all of them, although it was a bit touch and go with a couple of them!! I almost passed out three, yes that's right THREE, times on the bikes. We did a couple mile ride around the perimeter of camp but it was SO hot that I just couldn't handle it. Luckily Ryan was there around the place that I hit the grass and flung my head between my knees. He gallantly rode my bike back for me. Atta boy Ry! :) After about twenty minutes I was able to make it back to my cabin and regroup. Yikes. The ropes course sent about 300 jolts of anxiety through my entire being about every other second. I did finish in about 20 minutes, thanks to me yelling at Ashley that I was going to die and her encouraging words of "Oh Becs, you'll be fine." Luckily she was right! I also made the summer staff guy talk to me for the last three obstacles so that I wouldn't vomit all of the people on the ground watching. I think I said it best when I landed on the ground and exclaimed, "Yeah!! Only 365 days until the next time!!" Hopefully the nightmares don't start quite as early this year. Seriously.
The highlight of the week was definitely when I got the old Swine Flu. Oh don't worry, you heard me right. I walked in healthy as a horse and left feeling as though I'd been trampled by one. I caught it the last full day, which was good. My fever was 102+ and I had this insanely crazy cough. After about four days of sleep I was healed, althoug the cough is still occasionally hanging on, a month later. Blech. Dang those pigs.
Thanks to all for your prayers! It was a great, hot, exhausting, rewarding week.

My cabin of girls before we conquered the dreaded ropes course

Me on my way down. Good angle, don't you think??

Here I am with Olivia, Celeste and Mallory, the three girls that met Jesus at camp!

Here is the view of the mountains from the pool. This was during the pool olympics and those are my girls at the edge of the pool.

My cabin during the volleyball tournament. I played. And scored. I know--A MIRACLE!

This was all of the people from DDHS on the final night. We do a nice dress up dinner and have an amazing meal. I was infected with the swine so don't mind my nastiness.

We hiked up to the top of Communication Hill for the sunrise on friday morning.

We were cowgirls on our theme night. They had a show, a carnival and sqare dancing, followed by a fireworks show. It was so fun!! Our program team was from Tennessee and they were AWESOME!!!! They were the best everybody had ever seen. It was so cool to experience that.

This is my table at dinner on theme night. I love these kids!

Just a broken girl...

2009-06-19T23:23:00.001-07:00

"Just a broken girl, in this fallen world, learning everyday how to live like Christ."
Most days I seem to focus on the broken and fallen part. Most days I feel defeated, overwhelmed and lost. I wish that I found the positive in things. I wish that I didn't allow the negatives to permeate me so thoroughly.
I remember thinking to myself a couple of months ago that it had been the only time in my life where I felt as though I really was exactly where I should be in all aspects of my life. I was feeling confident, content and impactful--which lasted approximately two minutes at most. It's interesting to me that as soon as I feel comfortable and settled and okay with life, God does something to stir the pot. It's not a bad thing--actually, it's a good thing. But I hate having my world rocked...
These past few months have been hard. I have cried until my eyes were swollen more times than I care to mention. The picture that I saw as my life became different. I no longer feel confident, content or at all impactful. I just feel broken. I feel the darkness of this fallen world and the evil that comes with it trying desperately to sneak into any cracks that my defeated exterior may have. And it's exhausting.
I wish that I could say that I am intentional about learning to live like Christ in a deeper way every single day. Unfortunately I am not. Thankfully, I praise a God who is solid and steadfast, one who is a pursuer of my heart, one who is my rock and carries me. And right now, I need to be carried for awhile...
Maybe tomorrow I'll remember that it's okay to broken. It's okay to have moments of defeat. It's okay to be overwhelmed with life even though I have it better than 99.9%of the world's population. And just like many all over the world, to the cross I must cling.

Catch Up

2009-06-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from the past couple of months.

I was quite depressed about turning 27...Here's my not so happy "I'm 27" face:

During my birthday week my sister and the most beautiful baby girl in the world came and stayed. Here are a couple of sweet little Rebekah (Jake and Ty make a special guest appearance):

My dear friends Ryan and Ashley also got engaged. Yeah for them!! Here is the happy couple:

Jered and I were able to take a day and head to the beach. We went to both Cannon Beach and Seaside and had a really nice day together:

Sorry to those who care, aka MOM, that it's been awhile!! :)

Hi-lar-ious!!

2009-04-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some more funny pictures--this time with miss Claudia included!!

Jake says the darndest things!

2009-04-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Jake and I were hanging out on the couch having quite the conversation. He seriously cracks me up all the time!! Here was the jist of the conversation.

Me: Guess what?! When mom and dad go to the beach I'm going to stay at your house and take care of Felix.
Jake: Um....I think that Jenny will do a better job than you Bec.
Me: Really? Why is that?
Jake: Well Felix will probably jump up on you and get your glasses and he'll chew on them and break them.
Me: Oh good call. Well maybe Jen will want to come with me.
Jake: Probably not.
Me: Okay, well somebody needs to stay there and take care of Felix.
Jake: Well he can just bark at the bad guys.
Me: And protect me? (Jake gives me a confused look) Oh, you mean he can protect himself?
Jake: Yeah! And I'll protect you here at Grammy and Poppy's house and Poppy can help me and Beebs is a real good fighter (while punching the air) and so he can help too!
Me: Well that sounds like a good plan! Maybe I'll just watch Felix in the day and stay the night here.
Jake: Yeah, 'cuz I'm gonna do this! (Continuing to make punches and kicks in the air...starting to beak out into a child sized sweat.) And if the bad guys want me to, I'll smack them right in the face!

Oh my little four year old hero!! He is so the little love of my life! :)

The many sides of me

2009-03-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

How I currently feel about life....Not thrilled.

And people wonder why I'm not married. Check out those brows!

Introducing Jabba the Hut's Wife, Pudga the Hut!

Super excited that my eyes are so far apart the Duggars could have their family reunion between them. For real.

Alright Already

2009-02-23T12:51:00.001-08:00

Well not much has been going on in my life but people are getting irritated that I haven't blogged in awhile, so here is a little post to tide you all over (okay, it's mostly just been my mom but whatever).
I went to see my sister, the best brother-in-law on the planet (holla curt-shmurty!) and the cutest baby girl EVER!! We went into San Fransisco one night and then mostly hung out but it was a fabulous trip. Miss you guys...
Work is great as usual. Claudia is bloody cute I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sure that I'll love my own kids more, but I seriously don't know how that will be possible because I adore her more than anything! She really wanted to wear her pink fuzzy bathrobe after her "tubby" the other night, and I really wanted to take pictures of her because of how ridiculously hysterical she looked in it. She brightens up my days for sure. :) We also had a playdate with my best friend Stacy and her little girl Piper last week. Those girls are so funny together!! I'm SO VERY thankful that we are able to do this. It's great for both Claudia and myself.
Here are some pictures to document my overly exciting life.

Seriously...?

2009-01-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you fall down the stairs. That are wooden. On your back. While holding a child. And then you want to die because the wind is knocked out of you, your entire left arm is numb and your back it so bruised that you can't move. Oh and the sweet little child is so scared that she is screaming bloody murder. Good times.

Just because...

2008-12-21T22:12:00.000-08:00

Love Actually

2008-12-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite movies is Love Actually, although I prefer the edited version that is on tv because the real version is not short of inappropriate language and scenes! The title represents the way that love plays out in real life, not in the Hollywood version that most movies create. For those of you who haven't seen it, it shows how the lives of a group of people intertwine, as well as what their lives look like in regards to love. You have the friend who is in love with the girl his best friend just married. The man at the office who cannot say no to the agressive pursual of his secretary, despite the fact that he has a wife and two kids. The wife whose heart breaks when she figures out that her husband bought his secretary the expensive jewelry and her a cd. "I hope it was worth it...," she tells him. The little boy who is "in love" with the girl in his class. The man who walks in to find his wife, who he loved more than anything, sleeping with his brother. The woman who is infatuated with a man she works with, yet when he can't handle the love and dedication she shows to her mentally disabled and very high maitainence brother he leaves. These are just a few examples from the movie.
As I was watching it last night it made me think about my life. Where do I see actual love? I can understand the friend from the movie who loved his friend's wife, because I've had feelings for people that I could never be in a relationship with. I remember what it was like to be a little kid and have your first big crush, feeling as if that was all life consisted of. I have been in the situation where you liked somebody so much, from a distance, and had hopes set as high as they could go. What a disappointment it is when they do not meet your expectations once you see them for more than their outer shell.
I know that I am blessed in my life. This year has been big for me and I have been able to experience love in so many ways. I have always felt extremely loved by my family, but this summer as I was dealing with major anxiety and was unsure about what to do in my relationship my family was so supportive. I called my mom in tears on numerous occasions, repeating over and over things that I had already said a million times, but just needed to process out loud. She never once told me to get a grip or yelled at me for saying the same things over and over. She listened, she offered advice when appropriate and she loved me. Similarly, my older sister talked to me when I was hysterical and shared her similar experiences to help me gain perspective. My family was rational and stable while I was on the speedy train to Crazyville, riding in first class. That is love actually.
Another way that I have been blessed is with Jered. I realize that I like things a certain way and I see life as pretty black and white. Jered has helped me to see the other side of things. He has shown me that life does not go as we want all the time. He has shown me that nobody is perfect. With him I see how you have to work at love, but what a reward it is. I see that it's ok to argue, you just have to work it out. With my anxiety he has been patient, understanding and supportive even though he doesn't get it. That is love actually.
I see love through my nephews, niece and Claudia (the girl I nanny). They love me no matter what. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing. It has nothing to do with my accomplishments in life. They don't care what kind of car I drive or house I live in. They love me for me, plain and simple. And I love them for them. I would do anything for them. The more time I spend with Claudia the more I can't get enough of her. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday are my favorite days of the week because I get to see Jake and Ty. I want my sister to send me pictures of Rebekah all the time so I can see her cute face (one day you'll be close!). Despite how much their sin nature comes out--and boy, it does--I will love them. And no matter how much I discipline them, they will love me. That is love actually.
Over the past few months I have seen God in a different way. I have seen myself in a different way, which I think is why I have seen God in a different way. I am weak. I am broken...big time. I sin. I get frustrated faster than I should, especially when I drive. I want things to go my way, all the time. I am a control freak. I live a life that I never thought would be mine, and I'm not always happy about it. I can be really judgemental. I don't have a lot of mercy. Yet God loves me. He loves me more than I could ask or imagine. He never gives up on me, no matter what. He loves me so much that he decided to come down to earth in the most helpless way, as a baby, solely to live a life that would ultimately end in the most horrific death. Just to save a broken and rebellious soul like mine. To me, that is love actually.

Dwigt and Monkey

2008-10-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

Halloween club. Jered and I. Dwight and Angela from The Office. Enough said.

Seriously, so old...

2008-10-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

Last night, which happened to be a Friday, I was lying in bed and was rudely awoken by my neighbors down the stree BLARING their music. Like I'm pretty sure that they set up the speakers underneath my window. Well, at least it sounded like it. My first thought was that Jered was in the next room listening to music so obnoxiously loud that he would go deaf at the age of 25 and I was seriously ready to give him the business (he was actually downstairs on the computer so he's innocent of all charges). Once I realized that it was actually coming from outside I got way beyond irritated and was about two seconds away from calling the cops and being "that" neighbor. I mean really. Hello--don't you realize that people are trying to sleep??!! I looked at my phone to see what time it was and realized that it was 9:55. On a Friday night. And I was not only already in bed, but I was asleep. Pathetic. I decided to give them a little slack and rolled back over and went back to sleep. I thought that maybe it was just from the long week and all of that. Not so much. Tonight Jered and I were hanging out with Ryan and Ashley and one of our Young Life kids. He happened to tell us how old he thought we were and said that he thought Jered and I were "somewhere in our thirties." EXCUSE ME!! I am NOT somewhere in my 30's. But then I feel asleep in the chair at 9:50 with the lights on and the tv blaring the Duck game and proved his point. Perfect.

"He who does not weep, does not see."

2008-09-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

I don't normally plug movies, but I have to rave about this one for a minute. As many of you know in 2005 I went to Africa and had the most amazing trip. My heart has always been very sensitive to overseas missions and after my trip to Sierra Leone, it became even more sensitive to not only that country, but to Africa as a whole. A few months ago I heard of a documentary called "God Grew Tired Of Us" that is about the lost boys of Sudan. It was an AMAZING movie. I actually just checked it out at the library, but I would have spent money on it too. It was a very poignant story following the lives of three particular individuals as they struggle through life in a refugee camp for over ten years and are then transitioned to life in the states, all the while missing 'home' and worrying about what has come to those they love. It was a very moving story, one that made me laugh and cry (obviously!). I urge you to check it out--you won't be sorry!

So You Think You Can Dance

2008-09-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

This last Sunday Stacy and I went to see So You Think You Can Dance live. We had a lot of fun watching our favorite routines and getting in on the action. I wasn't the pre-teen that I had turned into when I went to see American Idol live last summer, but it was great nonetheless. If we would have had closer seats who knows what would have happened!! Stacy posted a bunch of pictures of the night on her blog that you can check out, but I wanted to post a couple of videos of my favorite performances. The first was a routine done by Tabitha and Napoleon and the second was the top 16 group routine done by Mia Michaels, who is extremely eccentric and extremely extraordinary. Enjoy!

Oprah's Religion

2008-09-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

I was at our Young Life Bible study tonight and I was chatting with a couple of girls afterwards. We somehow ended up on the topic of different religions and one of the girls asked me if I had heard anything about Oprah and how she's basically started her own religion and has all of these followers (like 2 million). I have always liked Oprah for the most part and was a little surprised when I heard this, but I went home and googled it and was a little shocked at what I saw. She is very much into New Age and Spirituality and is leading millions of people astray with her words. I encourage you all to take a look at this. It's amazing to me what influence one person can have over so many...

I'm an auntie...AGAIN!! :)

2008-08-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

My little namesake, Rebekah Jane Lillie, was born August 26, 2008 at 3:59am weighing 8lbs, 15oz and measuring in at 21 3/4 inches with lots of black hair. Both my sister Jane and baby Rebekah are doing great, although very tired!! I can't wait to go in a few weeks and see the little love bug in person...She's the sweetest! I "talked" to her today on the phone, and she was very articulate, cooing at me and making little noises. Maybe I do believe in love at first sight--or at first hear anyway! Curtis sent me this picture that he took on his phone and I must say that she is the cutest little chub on the planet! I'll post more pictures when I can.

Playdate

2008-08-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

Last week Stacy and Piper and Kasey and Isaiah came over to Claudia's house and we all walked down to the park. I love that we can do this. It's so nice to be able to see my friends and have the kids all hang out, all while I'm at work! Gotta love it!

Claudia

Claudia and Piper playing with sticks and pinecones...oh the obsession!

The three of them LOVED the teeter-toter!

Isaiah and Claudia

Isaiah and Claudia holding hands...So cute! I figure, hey, start 'em off young!!

Happy Birthday To Jered!!

2008-07-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Jered's birthday, and although we were exhausted from our long week at camp, we went out with our super good friends Ryan and Ashley last night to celebrate. Jered and I got dinner at a little mexican restaurant and then the four of us went out to Concordia Ale House to have drinks and play pool. We had a really great time! I'm so lucky to have Jered and to have good friends to be able to do ministry and celebrate life with. I'm very blessed!!

The two of us

Our "We just won four games of pool" faces

I'm not sure what he was laughing at, but I LOVE this picture of him!

Jered's "It's my birthday" face

Me and Ashley

This is the way that I play pool-Jered points to where I need to aim....

...I bust out the one-eyed pirate face to get it right...

...and then I laugh at the fact that it actually worked! :)

Ash and Ryan--so cute!

Wildhorse Canyon-The Happiest Place on Earth

2008-07-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

This last week I, along with five other leaders, took 35 students from Young Life to Wildhorse Canyon for summer camp. All year long we've been pumping up camp, telling students that it will be the best week of their lives. I had high expectations for the week, knowing that God was going to do some really cool things. At the same time, it never crossed my mind that this could be one of the best weeks of my life. I've had the fortunate experience to travel a lot and have been on some AMAZING mission trips. I never really viewed this week as a mission trip; until we went that is. This week was defintely in my top five best weeks of all time. Almost all of our kids come from unstable homes, many not living with two parents, if any at all. They have been taught that they can't trust people because nobody has ever been there for them. They have been through things in their short lives that I wish nobody ever had to experience. Many came in with their defenses up, their protective wall of "toughness" up and on guard at all times. We were fortunate enough to have some sort of a relationship with most of the kids, so the walls that they had built were already lowered to an extent, although still definitely present. Young Life is very intentional about the activities that they plan, when we do certain things, the way that we eat, the speakers that they bring in and the volunteers that they have. They want the kids to experience Jesus all day and night, from every aspect. The first night all of our kids were blown away that we all sat at tables of eight together and were served food by volunteers their own age. Many of them have never had a family-style dinner. I was able to see the kids blossom throughout the week, open up more and more and begin to let their walls drop. By the end of the week we were able to see eight out of 16 boys start a relationship with Christ, seven out of 14 girls start a relationship with Christ, many re-dedicate their lives and each one change their mind about Jesus in one way or another. All of those who had done this camp before said that it was by far the best week they had ever had at Wildhorse. We asked God for a miracle and he came through in a big way! Thank you SO much to all who prayed. This wouldn't have been possible without all of your prayers!!
Ps. To those who care, I survived the mountain bikes (with only one fall...although it was into the middle of a ridiculous bush that thought both of my legs would be a good snack), the ropes course (in the heat of the day and I thought that I would die from heat exhaustion and the fact that I was tight-rope walking a million feet off of the ground), the ridge runners (where I got lapped twice...whatever) and the swing. It was stretching and I was out of my comfort zone A LOT, but I loved it!!

Oh how I love the beach!

2008-07-16T14:41:00.001-07:00

This last weekend my family had their annual trip to the beach. It was a really fun, relaxing, WINDY time! :) And thanks to Jake and Ty for keeping me thoroughly entertained. And I quote Ty, "Can I hit you Bec?" "Um, no." "Well, can I hit that guy?" (as he points in our like 80th cousin four times removed from France's face) "Um, that guy has a name and no you can't hit him." "Oh." Really? What a funny kid! You can read my sister-in-law's blog for more funny things about the boys, because let's be honest, they do and say funny things about every five seconds.

My cousin Kim's little twins Jackson and Olivia.

Ty on the beach

Jake

Jered (who will be mad at me for putting this picture up because I guarantee that he thinks it's stupid, but I like it:) So there.)

My brother and his two boys

So sometimes...

2008-07-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

...you go to Fred Meyer, only to have a homeless man invade your space while taking some deodarant from the shelf, using it and then sticking it back. Ew.

My Best Friend's Wedding

2008-07-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Literally. Another bites the dust!! This last weekend my best friend got married and it was such an amazing day. Erica and I met in the 7th grade and have been the very best of friends ever since. She's the type of person that just makes life better. I don't know what I would do without her in my life!! She married an amazing guy named Ryan who she has been with for almost nine years. It was about time for them to tie the old knot! It was a beautiful day (despite the tears and snot running down my face during the ceremony!)and I was priviledged to be a part of it. Love you both!!

Some Cute Pictures

2008-06-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

Just because...

My New Favorite Quote

2008-06-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
-Sam Keen

Love it!!

Oh springtime in the Northwest...

2008-06-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

So this last week was a disaster in regards to the weather. I just don't understand what in the heck is going on here. Is it December or is it June? I mean seriously! Every Tuesday I take Claudia over to my Grandma's house for lunch, along with two of my cousins, my sister-in-law and all of their kids. When we headed over last week it was cold enough for me to put Claudia in this. She didn't have a coat or shoes that really matched her outfit, so this is a full body fleece bear suit.

Oh but don't worry because on Friday it was steaming hot and we were outside for a lot of the day with sunscreen and a sun hat. Oh good gracious...Only here! (Or Colorado, but let's be honest, their weather is WAY to bipolar for me.)

I heart Portland too!

2008-06-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend my good friend Erika and her boyfriend Kevin came down from Seattle for a wedding. They stayed with me and we had such a great weekend. The weather was so beautiful and we were able to enjoy it. I love Portland, but I don't take advantage of it as much as I should. After work on Friday night we rode the MAX downtown and had dinner at The Greek Cuisina, which is one of my favorite places. We were able to get a table outside on the sidewalk and it felt like I was sitting in Athens enjoying a good meal! On Saturday we went down to the Saturday Market and walked around and then walked down to the waterfront and just hung out on the grass. It was one of the best days I'd had in a long time. Great company, great conversations, great weather and some great pictures! It was just what my little soul needed...

Toilet Paper Brides

2008-06-15T16:59:00.001-07:00

Last weekend Stacy and I threw a bridal shower for our best friend Erica who is getting married on July 6th. We ended up having it at my house and it turned out really nice. I did my usual stress for days, go totally OCD with cleaning and break out into hives a few times. And like usual, everything was fabulous and my stressing was for nothing. Shocker! We had Erica play The (Almost) Newlywed Game where I came up with a list of questions that I asked Ryan about their relationship and favorite things and then asked Erica the same questions to see how many they answered right. Twelve out of eighteen wasn't shabby, but then again, they have been together for nine years so my expectations were a bit higher! We also had the ladies get into teams to see who could come up with the best toilet paper wedding dress, veil and bouquet. I will say that a couple were quite good--Vera Wang would be proud! (And it just so happened that we had a couple of half used rolls left over, which worked out great for me because I was almost out. Wahoo!!) We had a time where Erica asked us about married life and what advice everybody had for her. I of course had something to say (like usual) even though I'm not married. I just like to give advice. :) Erica got a bunch of great stuff and was excited about it all, which made it all worth it. Happy wedding my friend!!

My Precious, Pregnant Sister...

2008-05-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my sister was able to come and stay the weekend with us. Curtis was off at Seminary for two weeks and a family in the church gave her a free plane ticket that they were unable to use. It was so much fun having her with us! She is about six months pregnant and is just the cutest little pregnant woman on the planet. We last saw her at Christmas, and since that was just after she found out she was pregnant she obviously wasn't showing. I don't know if I'll be able to see her again until little Rebekah comes, so it was fun to see her with a pregnant belly. I even got to feel her kick!! Atta girl! :) Here are a couple of pictures from the weekend.

Jane and her belly

Me loving on the baby bulge

Jen and I being super cute

Now Jen and I really being super cute

Sisters! :)

Fun in the Sun!!

2008-05-16T19:31:00.001-07:00

We have had the most beautiful weather these past couple of days. Claudia and I have had some fun playdates and trips to a couple of different parks around their house. Thursday my good friend Ashley and my cousin Kim and her four kids came and met up with us at a park down the street. She just had twins and also has two other boys ages 3 1/2 and almost 2. Busy lady!! She was SO excited to be able to get out of the house and have some help come with it. :)

Claudia and I on the slide. She loves the slide!

Little Jackson-such a cutie!

Miss Olivia :)

Claudia loves water bottles more than anything else. And she gets to play with two...Wahoo!!

Today we went to Jameson Park with Stacy and Piper, both of our best friends! This is a great park in downtown Portland that has water come out the rocks and fill up into a little pool. It was crazy because of the heat (95 degrees). There were about a million people there, but it was fun. Claudia loved the water, Piper got pushed down a couple of times so she wasn't really feeling it. She just clung to mom the whole time! :)

Little Miss Piper the Bathing Beauty

Claudia and I

Stacy and Piper

She refused to let go of my hand. :)

Oh Seakrest, My Seakrest

2008-05-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

When I was a wee (shout out to Ang here!)little girl we used to spend at least a week with my mom's side of the family at the beach every summer. We always stayed at a lodge owned by my cousin's church called Seakrest. This was the highlight of my year. The family started going in the late 70's and we stopped going in the late 90's. Every year I would think about what to pack for weeks and then be packed for at least a week in advance. So many of my childhood memories are from this place. There is something about it to me that just exemplifies serenity and peacefulness. It calms me and makes me feel safe. I was devastated when we stopped going. This past weekend we were able to go back there and it was so nice! Jered came with me and although it was probably nothing to him, it was really fun for me to be able to share it with him. It had been about ten years since I'd been there. It's funny to me how things "change" even though they really don't. I kept commenting on how things seemed smaller, how the walk down to the beach was not nearly as long as I remember, how the distance between the our house and the rocks was cut in half, etc. My memories as a child and expectations as an adult did not match up. But it was still nice. I was stressed out the whole way there, but as soon as we pulled into the parking lot it all melted away. We were only there for a day but it was worth it. There was no skit night, no playing in the ocean, no watching "The Man From Snowy River" a million times. We didn't jump off of our bunks or slide down the dorm stairs. We didn't build sand castles on the beach or run up and down the dunes. But it was still Seakrest and it was amazing! Here are some pictures from today.

The view from our back porch

Jered and I Take I. He looks just a little bit drunk...

Jered and I Take II. Really...?

Jered and I Take III. Him=Cute. Me=Not so much.

Jered and I Take IV. I was on his back. And after cutting his face off I just gave up on my quest for the perfect picture!

Jake and I making the face that he wanted us to. Love that!

And Ty aka Beebs. Doesn't get a whole lot cuter than this!

Tag, I'm it!

2008-04-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

Four Things...

Four jobs I've had:
1) Writing Assistant at OSU
2) Server
3) Preschool Teacher
4) Nanny

Four movies I've watched more than once:
1) Pride and Prejudice
2) Bells on Their Toes
3) About a Boy
4) Love Actually

Four places I've lived:
1) Auburn, WA
2) Gresham, Oregon
3) Corvallis, Oregon
4) Portland, Oregon

Four TV Shows I watch:
1) The Office
2) Grey's Anatomy
3) The Hills
4) Lost

Four places I've been:
1) Sierra Leone
2) Czech Republic
3) Italy
4) France

Four people who email me regularly (doesn’t include blogging comments):
1) Vergil
2) Erica
3) Old Navy
4) Sephora

Four of my favorite foods:
1) Mexican
2) Ice Cream
3) Cheese
4) Olives

Four places I would like to visit:
1) GREECE!!
2) Cancun
3) Boston
4) New Zealand

Four things I'm looking forward to in the coming year:
1) The birth of my NEICE!!
2) The summer
3) My first date
4) Taking a trip to Cali

Four friends I'm tagging:
1) Karla
2) Courtney
3) Jane
4) The Hardings

I SO heart New York!!

2008-04-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

I had this last week off from work and so my roommate Emily and I decided to make a trip to New York City. I had never been and Em had been a couple of times, but never longer than a day or two. We had the BEST time!! I was able to spend my 26th birthday there as well, which was amazing. We saw all the major sites, mostly in one day which was interesting! We walked so much that I honestly was considering a leg transplant. We saw Grease and Phantom of the Opera, went to a comedy club, hung out in Central Park, visited NYU, went to Chinatown and bought knock-off bags and jewelry, ate at hot dog vendors, made friends at Carnegie deli, stood outside of the Today Show and did lots of shopping at H&M. Seriously fun times!!! :) Here are a couple of pictures from our trip-enjoy!

In Times Square around the corner from our hotel

The Brooklyn Bridge

Em and I walked across the bridge and back

Em showing off her "Chanel" bag--Love it!

The city skyline from the ferry

Standing outside of the Today Show with my birthday sign

Love Michael Scott!!

Outside Rockafeller Center

Em's HALF of the sandwich we split at Carnegie Deli...WOW!

The view of the city from the top of the Empire State Building

In Times Square after seeing The Phantom of the Opera on my birthday

Central Park

Em and I at Central Park

At the Comedy Club our last night in the city

Party like it's 1999...Literally!

2008-04-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I chaperoned Prom for the school that I do Young Life with. A group of us went to dinner and then to the second half of the dance. We had a good time despite dress fiascos, bad traffic, a switch of restaurants, and lots of stress on my part! It was fun being back in the Tiffany Center, which was where my Proms were held as well. (Eight and nine years ago...Man I'm old!) It's crazy to think how much money, anticipation, time, stress and pressure go into that one three hour night! But it was fun to see our kids all dolled up and having a great time. :) Here's a couple of pictures from that night.

With Ashley in front of Henry's

With Christie, one of my Young Life girls

Ashley, Ryan, myself and Jered at the dance

Little Love Muffin

2008-03-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

This is who I get to spend my days with...What a cutie patootie!

O House reunion...What what!!

2008-03-01T19:25:00.001-08:00

Today I went to a little reunion lunch for the girls that I lived with at Oxford house when I was at Oregon State. It was so fun to see the girls, eat pizza and catch up on everybody's lives. We looked at old pictures that were HILARIOUS! Thank God for the hair straightener...I was a doozy back in the day! Here are some pictures that we took. Kasey's son Isaiah was our official mascot for the day and made it in the majority of the photos! :)

Such a CUTE couple!

2008-03-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

So my sister and brother-in-law wanted to see a picture of Jered because they haven't gotten to meet him, much less see him. I don't have any pictures of us together so I copied some pictures of him off of his myspace page and sent them to them. I told them to picture my face next to his so that they could see what a cute couple we are. So Curtis decided to do this instead...Cutest couple ever!! :)

2008-02-27T19:48:00.000-08:00

I think that my nephews are the cutest things on the planet and have decided to share these pictures with the rest of the world. Although they are going to be mortified by this one day, they are classic. And, after all, Beebs does love being "nakey" more than anything else in life, which makes these pretty darn appropriate!

Stacy Suzanne

2008-02-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my dear friend!! I remember the first time I saw you at cheerleading try-outs before our freshman year of high school. I couldn't figure out why somebody's little sister was there trying out. :) (For those of you who didn't know Stacy at this point, she was about 2 feet tall and weighed all of 4 pounds.) What I didn't know was that we would have a friendship that would begin that week and would be cultivated to last a lifetime. I am so thankful for you!! We have had many great times. I'll never forget classes with you, yelling at Pegi because she was fat, going to BK every tuesday morning Jr. year and eating in your mom's room, sleepovers at your dad's, riding everywhere in Big B, getting pulled over for doing like 12 things wrong, running out of gas and having to push your car up the hill by school, MEXICO and the cucumbers, almost dying with Erica, cheering (why were we of all people cheerleaders for FOUR years??!!), going to the beach, you "helping" me on my tests in Mr. Suter's class and so much more! I'll never forget when you told me you were engaged and I screamed from downtown Gresham to my parent's house! You were so beautiful on your wedding day--thanks for letting me be a part of that. You are an amazing mother and wife; both Jason and Piper are so lucky. I love that you are just as crazy as me. Thanks for understanding my love of sharpies, only being able to write with a blue pen and hatred towards odd numbers! Thank you for being a friend no matter what. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder--especially when I call you in the middle of a breakdown and invite myself over...I don't know what my life would be like without you as my best friend. I do know that you make my life richer for being in it. I hope that turning 26 is fabulous and not as scary as I think it's going to be...(When did we get this old?!) I love you!!!!

Campaigning for Christ

2008-02-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

This last weekend I went to Wildhorse Canyon for a Young Life camp. We have a Bible Study every Sunday night for the kids who are believers called Campaigners. This particular weekend it was a camp for Campaigner kids from all over the state. We only had two kids attend, but it was an amazing time. Our speaker had great things to say. He spent a lot of time going over Ephesians 1 and was great at encouraging kids to stretch themselves and take risks in regards to sharing their faith. One thing he said was "If you don't take risks, you don't have a story to tell." I was really taken by this statement. I think about all the times in my life when God has asked me to do something and I was too scared to, so I didn't. The only story I can tell in those situations is that I was too scared to do what God wanted me to. Not the best story... Another thing I took away from the camp was that God doesn't call us to be pansies, he calls us to be great. I think that so many Christians are floating through life and never live up to their full potential. As his children, we are all destined for greatness. We also had different sessions that we could attend. We all went to a seminar on how to be a Godly woman and that was really good. It was so good to talk to the girls and hear their ideas for getting more kids to come to Young Life and how to be lights in their school. It was so great to sit and pray with them and see their hearts. And it snowed! As much as I hate the snow, even I had to admit it was pretty...It was a wonderful weekend and I am so glad that I was able to be a part of it!

I Heart My Sisters

2008-01-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

Here's a couple of pictures from Christmas. Don't worry, we were trying to be completely hideous in the one... :)

I'm Gonna Party Like It's 2007!

2008-01-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to post about my 2007, but let's be honest, I didn't know what to write and I've been to lazy...So, I decided to just post this little survey instead. It mostly covers my year with a few little diddies added in. Au revoir 2007 and hola 2008!!

1) Where did you begin 2007?
At Erika's apartment. We had a rousing night...definitely feel asleep at 12:05 and when my sister called to say Happy New year she thought I was drunk. Nope, just sleeping...So lame.

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?
Single...shocker.

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
No sir-wahoo!

4) How did you earn your money?
La Petite Academy and as a nanny

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not for myself, but for my dad. Dang kidney stones...we almost made it through '07 without incident and on Dec. 23rd the man gets kidney stones. Seriously. I also went to visit Stacy when she had Piper!! :) Yeah for babies! :)

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Never in my life.

7) Where did you go on vacation?
Did I even have a vacation...?? I took some little trips; the beach, Disneyland, Seattle a couple of times. Nothing major!

8) Did you buy anything over $1000?
Yeah right...I'd probably get an ulcer.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
The question is when do I not know somebody whose getting married?? I only went to a couple of weddings this year, thank goodness.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Nobody directly linked to me, but I'm close to some people who lost others they were close to. So sad...

12) Did you move anywhere?
Why yes I did. Thank you for asking.

15) Are you registered to vote?
Always...except sometimes you forget to actually do it. Oops!!

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
No thanks.

17) Where do you live now?
Portland, Or baby!

18) Describe your birthday?
Hm...it was the first birthday when I actually felt old!! Dang the mid-20's. It was a good day. Em and I watched lots of Grey's Anatomy and then went out to dinner. Low-key, but nice.

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Move out. I had a really good, FREE thing going at my parents, but it was time. And it's been a fabulous change, even though I was so stressed out about it I got sick and was throwing up for two days prior. Only me...

20) What has been your favorite moment(s)?
Not sure...There's been a LOT of change in my life, which I am definitely not a big fan of. But a lot of the change has been for the better. This is random, but I think one of the best moments was when I went and visited my brother's grave. It was a long time coming and it was a very sweet, emotional, freeing time. Also, when my sister and brother-in-law surprised us by coming on Christmas day instead of the next day. I was really having a hard time with all the change that was happening around Christmas and I was so excited that they were there that I screamed for awhile and then just sat down and cried. It was good...

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I didn't realize how obsessive I am until this year. I'm not really into the whole compulsion thing, but obsessiveness--here I come! Which also leads to stress and anxiety...awesome. Sign me up!

22) Any new additions to your family?
My sister's boyfriend and his two kids.

23.) What was your worst month?
I don't know if I had a worse month...March was pretty stressful because I was getting ready to move, was part of a church plant that was starting up in April and was seriously thinking about quiting my job. Overload!!

24.) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Colbie Callait. Love that girl!

25.) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
I'm not a drinker. Somehow Emily gets me to drink...too much. I'm a ridiculous lightweight and I always end up tipsy when I drink with her. Apparently I'm funnier than normal, so that's good.

26) Made new friends?
Actually a lot, which is pretty big because, let's be honest, I don't love meeting new people.

27) New best friend?
Not really, but some new good friends for sure.

28) Favorite Night?
That's a hard one...probably the American Idol concert with Emily. So lame, but SO MUCH FUN!!!! :)

Come on Down!!!

2007-11-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

So, every time that my family goes to Disneyland we go to The Horseshoe Review. For those of you who have never been, it's a show put on by four men who all play string intruments and they are hilarious. They are all extremely talented and they put on a great performance. It's held in an old saloon and they pretend to be hillbillies, all while playing their different instruments. Anyway, it's great. Next time you're in Disneyland, be sure to check it out! Okay, so they used to do this thing where they call somebody from the audience up onto the stage. Two years ago I went to Disneyland with my parents, younger sister and best friend Erica. We went to one of the showings and the place was packed out, so we grabbed a table in the back. As we were waiting for the show to start, my dad leaned over and told me how he's gotten called up on stage twice. He was telling me how he's sat in different places just so that he wouldn't get picked and he always gets picked anyway. He also assured me that they don't do this anymore. Liar. The show starts and we are all laughing and having a good time. And then the lead guy heads into the audience to pick "a pretty gal who has been eyeing us the whole time." I took this opportunity to look very interested in my shoes. It didn't work. He definitely picked me, which meant that I had to go up on stage and play a small violin with them. I really don't like being up in front, especially when I have no time to mentally prepare! I was really horrible and embarassed, they were really nice. So, needless to say, we had a good laugh! A couple of months ago I went to Disneyland with my parents and sister and brother-in-law. We went to the show and purposefully sat in the very front so that we wouldn't get picked. Not so much! They made fun of us and Oregon the whole time and then when it was time to call somebody up front, they didn't even peruse the audience. They picked my sister! It was hilarious!! So, I wanted to share a couple of pictures of us. Arlene Shnitzer and the Oregon Symphony, here we come!
Ps. I couldn't find the picture of myself, but it's almost exactly the same. The same guy is even in it!! Too funny...

Mi Familia

2007-11-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

I love my family. It makes me sad that there are so many people out there who hate their families, who only think of anger and bitterness when they think of those who share their blood. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky I am. I like to say that we're abnormally normal. :) I love that we actually like hanging out. I love that I talk to my mom every day because I want to. I love that we can watch home videos and laugh until we (literally) pee our pants. I love that we can do boring things and make them fun. I love our conversations that we have. I love playing Catch Phrase...especially with my mom who unknowingly turns into a racist when we play (I don't blame her for being ignorant to what Napster really is). I think what I love the most is that they are people who make me feel safe. No matter what kind of a day I had or what I'm going through I can come to them and feel okay. I always feel special and beautiful and loved when I'm with them. I also love that we can be complete dorks together--which does happen a lot. Sometimes I wish that I were a fly on the wall so that I could see us from the outside. :) So here are a few pictures...Love you guys!!

L-R: Curtis and I at Multnomah Falls, with Jane and Jenny, my mom reinacting the most disturbing face possible while Jane and I laugh so hard I almost couldn't breathe, Dan and Angela on their wedding day (I don't have any bad ones of them, so they get a good one), Ty...Wow, Jen and I doing what we do best, Jane and I at the Cheesecake Factory in San Fransisco, Jenny and I (yes, that's a parking garage), mom and dad asleep in NOTRE DAME...seriously??, Jen and I making funny faces with Jake (starting him off young), with mom and dad at Versailles, Jane and I (and then they repeat because I couldn't figure out how to not do that...)!!

Claudia Rose

2007-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

So, I get to spend my days with the most adorable baby. I figure that at the rate I'm going, who knows if I'll ever have any of my own, so God has decided to bless me with the chance to take care of Claudia instead. (Or something like that...!) I work between 45-50 hours a week and we have a lot of fun together. I'll admit, I turn into a huge dork when I'm with her. I'll do just about anything to keep her happy--even if that means singing "The Wheels on the Bus" as loud as I can with obnoxiously large hand motions, or stomping around the kitchen pretending to be a dinosaur. I'm pretty sure that if any of my friends saw me, we wouldn't be friends anymore... Hey, if you spent the majority of your time with a five month old who didn't talk back, you'd go a little looney too! It is fun though because a couple of my good friends have babies and so we are able to do playdates. It's great to have adult conversation! So anyway, I wanted to share a couple of pictures of Claudia (or Monkey or Peanut Butter as I affectionately call her!).

More random facts

2007-11-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

So I don't lead an interesting life. It's been hard for me to come to grips with, but it's true. It's been almost a month since I last posted. It's sad to me that I've had nothing interesting to post since then...I give myself a Bemily award for being lame. At least I get an award for it!! So, for your own enjoyment, I've decided to post some more random facts about myself. This is only because I've realized that I have quite a bit of crazy in me. For those of you who think that I'm perfect, stop reading because you'll find out it's not true!! :)

1.) Whenever I drink my arms tingle. I'm not really sure why...It happens right around my elbows and it's very strange.

2.) I'm double-jointed in my fingers and I can turn my wrist all the way around (we're talking 360 degrees here people). My best friend Erica sometimes comes up behind me, sniffs the air and says, "Does it smell like cabbage to you...?" For those of you who don't get that, she's calling me a Carni, aka Circus Freak. Nice.

3.) I'm obsessed with plucking my eyebrows. Like I do it almost every day. Well, they are my favorite part of my body. It's hard to have perfect eyebrows, but somebody's got to do it.

4.) I have discovered that I have an obsessive personality (thanks Christoph!), but not a compulsive one. Man is this true!! When I get stuck on something I totally go crazy with it. Newest obsession: The Office. Seriously people, jump on board here!!

5.) There is not a lot of food that I really hate, but there is a lot of food that I won't eat. I don't like normal things like tomatoes and mushrooms (wouldn't eat either if you paid me), eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, tomato sauce, lots of different breads, ham, swiss cheese, ect. But I do like random food like Brussle sprouts, asparagas, artichoke hearts, kalamata olives and feta cheese. Weird.

6.) I totally have social anxiety. When I think about going somewhere where I don't really know people or there is a lot of people in a small space I totally freak out. I actually get nauseous and break out into hives on my chest. I just really don't like meeting new people. I get freaked out having to do the whole small talk thing. I'd rather just stick with the people I already know, although I have been meeting new people lately because of Young Life and they're all fabulous.

7.) Coffee does nothing to me except make me have to pee. And it makes me sick. But in regards to keeping me awake?? Not so much.

8.) I really don't like having attention on me. For some reason I always end up in front of people, but it really stresses me out. I get really self-conscious and stumble over my words and am a complete train-wreck. Not so fun!

I guess that's it. It may not be a story Chris, but at least it's a post!! Sorry that I don't have any stories about destructive one-legged semi-truck drivers...

And the "Bemily Award" goes to...

2007-10-02T18:48:00.001-07:00

For those of you who are fans of "The Office" (and for those of you who aren't, what's the matter with you??), you know all about the "Dundee" awards. Michael Scott (played by Steve Carell) is the manager of a paper company office and he thinks that he's the best boss in the world. In reality, he really sucks. He does likes to make things spicy around the office and therefore he came up with the Dundee awards. (The office that they work in is called Dunder Mifflin, hence Dundee.) Every year he makes up specific awards for people, such as "Hottest One in the Office" or "Spicy Curry" (to the girl from India) or the "Don't Go In There After Kevin" referring to the time he went into the bathroom after Kevin and it was really stinky. Hilarious! He makes a big night of it and all of the employees hate going because he is so ridiculous about it. So anyway, my roommate Emily and I give each other Dundee awards for doing stupid things. Sometimes we even give ourselves dundee awards, like the time my car door slammed on my face and bruised my cheek. I gave myself a Dundee award for being the most Special Ed. Because we do this so often, I've decided that Emily and I should have our own awards, so I came up with the "Bemily" awards (it sounded better than "Embecca"). I'm hereby giving Emily the first ever Bemily award for being the "Funny and Bitter Conspirator." Let me explain. I went to Disneyland this last friday for ONE day. I come home from being gone for ONE day and I notice something weird on my bathroom counter. I walk cautiously in and smell the sweet scent of strawberries. I looked closely at the counter and saw this blubbery, red rectangle. I looked closer and realized that she had put my razor in jello!!!!! (Reference: The Office, episode one, season one.) I died laughing and then texted her. Her response? "Yeah, you better think twice about going to Disneyland without me." She, who just went to Hawaii for a week and will soon be going to Baltimore and New York City, said this. Okay, so you get the first Bemily award, but beware. I'll get you my pretty!!

Well, C'mon, they are related to me! :)

2007-09-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know that I just posted, but I have to brag for a minute about how cute my nephews are!!! I know that pretty much everybody that reads this also reads my Sister-in-law and brother's blog and already read all about Jake and Ty, but they are just too cute for words. I wanted to post a couple of pictures of them because, well basically, because I can. :)

Jake being cute and making funny faces!

He's so dang sweet!!

Brothers!! I love that they're holding hands in both pictures. Just makes me melt...

Ps. All pictures provided by my cell phone! Gotta love modern technology! :)

In a Nutshell

2007-09-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It's been a month. I knew that I was going to suck at this!! Well, a lot has happened since I got "tagged" but, incidently, my camera won't let me download pictures onto the computer and I didn't want to post without pictures. I'll just have to roll with it and use a couple that I have. So, big things have happened with me. I slept with a boy. It's about time right? Don't worry, it was my dog Auggie that I bought! He is the CUTEST dog in the world. The only problem was that I got so stressed out by having to take care of him that I sold him 48 hours after I bought him. Only me. I cried like I was getting paid, but I know it was the best thing. I couldn't care for him the way he deserved to be cared for because of my job, so I sold him to a nice girl up in Vancouver, WA.
Auggie Stump (only for 48 hours though. Now he's Oscar. Really?! That's a horrible name. He does NOT look like an Oscar at all. So sad...)

The day after that I started a new job as a nanny. I work about fifty hours a week for a family in NE Portland and I LOVE it. Claudia is about 3 months old and she is so much fun. She's already rolling over on her own and loves to smile, laugh and go for walks. (I sound either like she's mine or I'm putting a personal ad in the paper!) Her parents are fabulous and I really feel blessed to have found them. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be right now.

Little Miss Claudia!

I also was able to hang out with six students that came over from Slovenia. We had SO much fun with them. I miss them a lot...We were able to show them all over Oregon and Washington and they also went down to California. And one of them wants to set me up with his cousin...Hm. Any advice on long-distance relationships?? (Totally kidding.) They loved it here and didn't want to go home. My favorite part was the second day they were here and we were driving downtown and the boys were riding with me. They were making fun of my car because it's "plastic." Zan (pronounced Jon) started going off about how everything here is plastic, "Everything here is plastic. The food, the cars, the girls..." I told him to wait until they went to California because the girls are REALLY plasitc there! It was funny. :)

The Slovenes! L-R: Urban, Anja, Tjasa, Nika, Zan and Matic (The one with the cousin :)

Other than that, I'm just chugging along. Keep your eyes peeled for an update in another month! And to those who stuck it out and read this whole thing, thanks for being a real friend!

I, too, have been tagged

2007-08-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

So my wonderful sister-in-law tagged me and now I have to write eight interesting facts about myself. I have to post these rules first.

The Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (If you don’t have a blog, email me)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Fact #1: I have a very frightening obsession with sharpies. Not the thick ones, but the fine-tipped ones. I love them so much that I asked for them for my birthday. Yeah, I know.

Fact #2: I hate the snow. I think that it ruins lives. It may be pretty for a couple of hours, but then it stays around for days and you're forced to stay in your house and be miserable. Or go outside and be miserable because you can't feel your toes and your nose gets so frozen you could chip it off with an ice pick.

Fact #3: I don't like Spaghetti. It's the tomato sauce that throws me off. I'd almost rather saw off my pinky finger with a kitchen knife than eat a big plate of spaghetti.

Fact #4: Whenever I see people wear jean on jean I actually cringe. I can't handle a jean jacket with a pair of jeans. Seriously people, figure it out! So not cute.

Fact #5: I have a slight case of OCD. I have to eat things in even numbers or I freak out. Why would somebody eat seven M&M's? I have to eat even numbers so that I can chew them evenly on both sides of my mouth. Don't worry, I know that I'm crazy. At least I'm aware of it right?

Fact #6: I have to sleep with a fan every night. It's the noise and the breeze. And if for some reason I have to sleep in the same bed with somebody they CANNOT touch me. I can't handle somebody touching me while I sleep. I may just hulk out on you!

Fact #7: I love fashion. I think it would be the best job in the world to be Stacey London from "What Not To Wear." There are just so many people out there that need help...I love fashion magazines, fashion tv shows and anytime I read a book I can't help but focus on what the characters are wearing.

Fact #8: I have touched petrified dinosaur poo. Enough said.

Okay, Emily, Joy, Zoe, Jess, Julie Brown, Erica, Stacy and Kasey...YOUR IT!!

Ode to Emily

2007-08-17T09:32:00.001-07:00

Emily Fitz is so nice,
she's got sugar but even more spice
She's crazy and funny and sleeps all day,

only because she saves people from going away.

A nurse she is, a doctor she's not,

but boy, in those scrubs she sure looks hot!

She likes to run and bike around town,

usually wearing a smile but sometimes a frown.

She's sporty and fun and cute as can be,

and (unlike me) she hardly ever has to pee.

She's clutzy and trips and falls a lot,

I really hope she never gets shot.

She loves to lick the brownie batter off of the spoon,

and every day she makes the guys swoon.

She likes to shop at Nordstrom for pretty dresses,

and she has long, brown and blonde tresses.

We love to reinact "So You Think You Can Dance,"

and when I'm not home she practices her prance.

She leaps and jumps so high to the sky,

it makes me gasp and say, "Oh my!"

She loves to go downtown on the Max train,

even though most of the people on it are insane.

We laugh and laugh 'till our stomachs hurt,

and we borrow clothes 'cause we wear the same size shirt.

My roommate is very special and unique,

she always does the dishes left in the sink.

I'm so blessed to have her in my life,

she helps me through my turmoil and strife.

Without Emily where would I be?

Probably somewhere crying or washed out to sea.

Thank you Em for all that you do.

and know that I will always love you! (Lakisha style--totally in concert!)

Against the Rocks

2007-08-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I'm a pessimist. A pretty hard-core one. I remember the day I figured it out. My sister and I were in the kitchen and there was a cup of water on the counter. She asked me if the glass was half-full or half-empty; obviously the cup was half empty. Hence, the pessimism! (Thanks Jen. It didn't really help that you pointed at me and laughed!!) So, I'm cursed with constantly trying to fight the cloud. In all actuality, I like to say that I'm a realist. Not only does it sound better, which I'm all for, I think that it makes more sense. I don't walk around ready to kill myself because the whole world is going to pot, rather, I see the reality in all situations and don't get my hopes up. (It all makes perfect sense to me!) So anyway, lately I've been feeling really bogged down. It's really hard for me to not allow my circle of influence get swallowed by my circle of concern. I get really effected by people, their decisions and wanting to control things. I have a hard time when things are feeling out of control and I frantically try to do whatever I can to hold onto what I feel like I need to have a grasp of. These past couple of weeks have been especially hard for me feeling overwhelmed, out of control and burdened. Today I was at Hallmark and I came across this card. The picture of the little girl struck me. She's so small compared to the rocks. And I know she thinks that she's holding them up by pushing her little arms up there as hard as she can. Yet, I also know that if she lets go, they will most likely stay exactly where they are. She's not holding up the rocks, she's stressing herself out by not wanting to let go so they don't fall. I realized that this is me. I stress out trying to control things that I have no control of. I push against the rocks until my arms ache, not willing to let go for fear of what will happen. I saw myself in that little girl, but it struck me how silly I am. God's got control. He doesn't need my pudgy little arms pushing against the rocks because all it's doing is stressing me out! In a strange way it was comforting looking at the card and knowing how big God is and how he's got it. What a relief because as much as I think I want it, I really don't. He's much better at it than I am! :)

Shot Through the Heart

2007-07-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

Last night Emily called me and asked if I wanted to go to the American Idol tour for tonight and I was totally all about it. She got tickets from one of her friends at dance who gave lessons to people that worked for a radio station and gave him free tickets. (Thanks Keloha!!) So we were huge dorks and went to it very excitedly! Now, I'm an American Idol fan. I even vote...I know. I knew that I would have fun, but I didn't realize that I would turn into a thirteen year old girl. I'm surprised that Emily still wants to be my friend. I even embarrassed myself. I've had a slight crush on Blake Lewis since this season ended, and it hit it's peak tonight. When he walked on the stage I screamed like a little girl and almost soiled my pants. Seriously. Our seats were within spitting distance and I honestly thought about trying to leap on stage. I'm pretty sure that I would have broken something, but it would have been worth it! I took way too many pictures that didn't turn out, made him my wallpaper on my phone and recored him and Chris Richardson singing for almost five minutes on my phone. It really is sad. But it was SO FUN!! I'm so glad that I have Em to go out with and make a total and complete fool of myself and she loves it as much as me. :) I may not be able to talk for the next few days because my throat is raw and I almost had to bring a spare pair of pants, but it made for a fun saturday night! (At least I wasn't as bad as that poor girl that cried at every episode, although I kind of felt like her...)This is us so excited to be there! Wahoo!

Oh boys...

2007-07-12T19:55:00.001-07:00

So, I've been trying to come up with something new to blog about and I've got nothing...Until tonight. I don't want to keep my eager audience waiting any longer!! For those of you who don't know, I'm a nanny. Let me tell you, it's great birth control (not that I need it)! Tonight I was watching two little boys and we were making dinner. I asked it they wanted apples and they eagerly agreed to it. Zander loves the apple slicer (it's like the one from Pampered Chef for those of you who are familiar with it) and wanted to slice the apple himself. I set it out on the counter and turned around to wash the apple. When I turned back around, he had whipped out his "Little Zander" and had stuck "it" through the whole in the middle of the slicer, yelling, "I'm going to slice my ----- (censored) off!" Seriously??!! I almost died. Needless to say, I soaped it up nice and good before we did any slicing! The best part was that I conveniently forgot to tell those who partook of the apple about the little incident...don't worry, I forgot and had a slice myself. If I die tonight, it's been a great life! :)

Independence Day

2007-07-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

I don't like the 4th of July. I try every year to like it and I just don't. There is a reason though; my brother died July 4, 1988. It doesn't seem fair to me that he was born on a holiday (December 31 1986) and died on a holiday. Every year when people are celebrating the holiday, bbqing with friends and shooting off a dazzling fireworks display, I'm desperately trying to not think about Gary and the worst day of my life. Obviously, my memories of that tragic day are horrible, but I think that because I am by nature a pessimist, I only dwell on the negative. I have very few memories of Gary, but the ones I replay in my mind are of the hospital that day, seeing him wracked with tubes to help him breathe or the times I would take his picture and sneak up to his room when nobody was looking and cry until I felt sick. The only time I remember going to his grave was when I was little--I don't remember exactly how old. I do remember that we wrote him messages and stuck them in balloons and let them "float up to heaven." I don't know if I'd been back since then. I'm not sure what's held me back all these years of going up to see him. I think in some ways it was fear; fear of feeling such an intense loss that it actually makes my insides hurt. I've already spent nineteen years trying to heal from that and I didn't want to re-open any of the deep heartache that I've felt. But today I faced my fears and I went up to see him. It was actually an amazing experience. It took me a little while to find his grave, but once I did I just sat with him for awhile. There was nobody really there, which was nice. This was something that I wanted to do by myself, in complete solitude. I think that there was some healing that happened there. As a child I used to worry about him; worried that he was scared and lonely. Going up to his grave as an adult was freeing for me. I've always known that he was with Christ, but today it became more real to me. His gravestone is a memory, a representation of his life, but he's not there. As I sat there talking to him silently (I tried talking out loud and it was just weird!) there was a warm gentle breeze that washed over me and I felt peace. There were lots of tears, but the wind brought a calmness over me. I know that Gary is safe, I know that he is happy. I think that we need to mourn, but I think that I was holding onto the pain that I'd felt for all of these years and today I was able to release a little of it. I actually didn't want to leave. I got a feeling of longing and wanting to be with him. It's comforting to know one day that I will...Maybe this year Independence Day won't be as hard. Maybe this year there won't be a looming feeling that I try to pretend away. Maybe this year it will be a remberance of him and a celebration of his life. Don't get me wrong, it will still be hard. There has never been a July 4th that hasn't been laced with pain since he went to heaven, but I have a feeling that this year is going to be different.

My First Blog

2007-07-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I've done it. I've become a blogger. I'm sure that I'll be one of the annoying people that post something new once every six months because, well, my life is just that exciting! I always love looking at everybody's new pictures and frankly, I get pretty angry when it takes people longer than a couple of days to post something new. And now I will be one of those people. Hopefully I don't turn into some of my other peeves and cut people off when I'm driving, only to go below the speed limit. Give me sixty years, then we'll talk! After my roommate Emily made a blog she told me that I should make one too. I responded with, "What am I going to blog about...? 'Well, I woke up late today and then watched some tv.'" Hopefully this motivates me to do more exciting things with my life! And I know that you are all sitting on the edge of your seats, dying to know what those things are...Just wait for it!