Seriously...?

Sometimes you fall down the stairs. That are wooden. On your back. While holding a child. And then you want to die because the wind is knocked out of you, your entire left arm is numb and your back it so bruised that you can't move. Oh and the sweet little child is so scared that she is screaming bloody murder. Good times.

Just because...

Love Actually

One of my favorite movies is Love Actually, although I prefer the edited version that is on tv because the real version is not short of inappropriate language and scenes! The title represents the way that love plays out in real life, not in the Hollywood version that most movies create. For those of you who haven't seen it, it shows how the lives of a group of people intertwine, as well as what their lives look like in regards to love. You have the friend who is in love with the girl his best friend just married. The man at the office who cannot say no to the agressive pursual of his secretary, despite the fact that he has a wife and two kids. The wife whose heart breaks when she figures out that her husband bought his secretary the expensive jewelry and her a cd. "I hope it was worth it...," she tells him. The little boy who is "in love" with the girl in his class. The man who walks in to find his wife, who he loved more than anything, sleeping with his brother. The woman who is infatuated with a man she works with, yet when he can't handle the love and dedication she shows to her mentally disabled and very high maitainence brother he leaves. These are just a few examples from the movie.
As I was watching it last night it made me think about my life. Where do I see actual love? I can understand the friend from the movie who loved his friend's wife, because I've had feelings for people that I could never be in a relationship with. I remember what it was like to be a little kid and have your first big crush, feeling as if that was all life consisted of. I have been in the situation where you liked somebody so much, from a distance, and had hopes set as high as they could go. What a disappointment it is when they do not meet your expectations once you see them for more than their outer shell.
I know that I am blessed in my life. This year has been big for me and I have been able to experience love in so many ways. I have always felt extremely loved by my family, but this summer as I was dealing with major anxiety and was unsure about what to do in my relationship my family was so supportive. I called my mom in tears on numerous occasions, repeating over and over things that I had already said a million times, but just needed to process out loud. She never once told me to get a grip or yelled at me for saying the same things over and over. She listened, she offered advice when appropriate and she loved me. Similarly, my older sister talked to me when I was hysterical and shared her similar experiences to help me gain perspective. My family was rational and stable while I was on the speedy train to Crazyville, riding in first class. That is love actually.
Another way that I have been blessed is with Jered. I realize that I like things a certain way and I see life as pretty black and white. Jered has helped me to see the other side of things. He has shown me that life does not go as we want all the time. He has shown me that nobody is perfect. With him I see how you have to work at love, but what a reward it is. I see that it's ok to argue, you just have to work it out. With my anxiety he has been patient, understanding and supportive even though he doesn't get it. That is love actually.
I see love through my nephews, niece and Claudia (the girl I nanny). They love me no matter what. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing. It has nothing to do with my accomplishments in life. They don't care what kind of car I drive or house I live in. They love me for me, plain and simple. And I love them for them. I would do anything for them. The more time I spend with Claudia the more I can't get enough of her. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday are my favorite days of the week because I get to see Jake and Ty. I want my sister to send me pictures of Rebekah all the time so I can see her cute face (one day you'll be close!). Despite how much their sin nature comes out--and boy, it does--I will love them. And no matter how much I discipline them, they will love me. That is love actually.
Over the past few months I have seen God in a different way. I have seen myself in a different way, which I think is why I have seen God in a different way. I am weak. I am broken...big time. I sin. I get frustrated faster than I should, especially when I drive. I want things to go my way, all the time. I am a control freak. I live a life that I never thought would be mine, and I'm not always happy about it. I can be really judgemental. I don't have a lot of mercy. Yet God loves me. He loves me more than I could ask or imagine. He never gives up on me, no matter what. He loves me so much that he decided to come down to earth in the most helpless way, as a baby, solely to live a life that would ultimately end in the most horrific death. Just to save a broken and rebellious soul like mine. To me, that is love actually.

Dwigt and Monkey

Halloween club. Jered and I. Dwight and Angela from The Office. Enough said.

Seriously, so old...

Last night, which happened to be a Friday, I was lying in bed and was rudely awoken by my neighbors down the stree BLARING their music. Like I'm pretty sure that they set up the speakers underneath my window. Well, at least it sounded like it. My first thought was that Jered was in the next room listening to music so obnoxiously loud that he would go deaf at the age of 25 and I was seriously ready to give him the business (he was actually downstairs on the computer so he's innocent of all charges). Once I realized that it was actually coming from outside I got way beyond irritated and was about two seconds away from calling the cops and being "that" neighbor. I mean really. Hello--don't you realize that people are trying to sleep??!! I looked at my phone to see what time it was and realized that it was 9:55. On a Friday night. And I was not only already in bed, but I was asleep. Pathetic. I decided to give them a little slack and rolled back over and went back to sleep. I thought that maybe it was just from the long week and all of that. Not so much. Tonight Jered and I were hanging out with Ryan and Ashley and one of our Young Life kids. He happened to tell us how old he thought we were and said that he thought Jered and I were "somewhere in our thirties." EXCUSE ME!! I am NOT somewhere in my 30's. But then I feel asleep in the chair at 9:50 with the lights on and the tv blaring the Duck game and proved his point. Perfect.

"He who does not weep, does not see."

I don't normally plug movies, but I have to rave about this one for a minute. As many of you know in 2005 I went to Africa and had the most amazing trip. My heart has always been very sensitive to overseas missions and after my trip to Sierra Leone, it became even more sensitive to not only that country, but to Africa as a whole. A few months ago I heard of a documentary called "God Grew Tired Of Us" that is about the lost boys of Sudan. It was an AMAZING movie. I actually just checked it out at the library, but I would have spent money on it too. It was a very poignant story following the lives of three particular individuals as they struggle through life in a refugee camp for over ten years and are then transitioned to life in the states, all the while missing 'home' and worrying about what has come to those they love. It was a very moving story, one that made me laugh and cry (obviously!). I urge you to check it out--you won't be sorry!

So You Think You Can Dance

This last Sunday Stacy and I went to see So You Think You Can Dance live. We had a lot of fun watching our favorite routines and getting in on the action. I wasn't the pre-teen that I had turned into when I went to see American Idol live last summer, but it was great nonetheless. If we would have had closer seats who knows what would have happened!! Stacy posted a bunch of pictures of the night on her blog that you can check out, but I wanted to post a couple of videos of my favorite performances. The first was a routine done by Tabitha and Napoleon and the second was the top 16 group routine done by Mia Michaels, who is extremely eccentric and extremely extraordinary. Enjoy!