Love Actually

One of my favorite movies is Love Actually, although I prefer the edited version that is on tv because the real version is not short of inappropriate language and scenes! The title represents the way that love plays out in real life, not in the Hollywood version that most movies create. For those of you who haven't seen it, it shows how the lives of a group of people intertwine, as well as what their lives look like in regards to love. You have the friend who is in love with the girl his best friend just married. The man at the office who cannot say no to the agressive pursual of his secretary, despite the fact that he has a wife and two kids. The wife whose heart breaks when she figures out that her husband bought his secretary the expensive jewelry and her a cd. "I hope it was worth it...," she tells him. The little boy who is "in love" with the girl in his class. The man who walks in to find his wife, who he loved more than anything, sleeping with his brother. The woman who is infatuated with a man she works with, yet when he can't handle the love and dedication she shows to her mentally disabled and very high maitainence brother he leaves. These are just a few examples from the movie.
As I was watching it last night it made me think about my life. Where do I see actual love? I can understand the friend from the movie who loved his friend's wife, because I've had feelings for people that I could never be in a relationship with. I remember what it was like to be a little kid and have your first big crush, feeling as if that was all life consisted of. I have been in the situation where you liked somebody so much, from a distance, and had hopes set as high as they could go. What a disappointment it is when they do not meet your expectations once you see them for more than their outer shell.
I know that I am blessed in my life. This year has been big for me and I have been able to experience love in so many ways. I have always felt extremely loved by my family, but this summer as I was dealing with major anxiety and was unsure about what to do in my relationship my family was so supportive. I called my mom in tears on numerous occasions, repeating over and over things that I had already said a million times, but just needed to process out loud. She never once told me to get a grip or yelled at me for saying the same things over and over. She listened, she offered advice when appropriate and she loved me. Similarly, my older sister talked to me when I was hysterical and shared her similar experiences to help me gain perspective. My family was rational and stable while I was on the speedy train to Crazyville, riding in first class. That is love actually.
Another way that I have been blessed is with Jered. I realize that I like things a certain way and I see life as pretty black and white. Jered has helped me to see the other side of things. He has shown me that life does not go as we want all the time. He has shown me that nobody is perfect. With him I see how you have to work at love, but what a reward it is. I see that it's ok to argue, you just have to work it out. With my anxiety he has been patient, understanding and supportive even though he doesn't get it. That is love actually.
I see love through my nephews, niece and Claudia (the girl I nanny). They love me no matter what. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing. It has nothing to do with my accomplishments in life. They don't care what kind of car I drive or house I live in. They love me for me, plain and simple. And I love them for them. I would do anything for them. The more time I spend with Claudia the more I can't get enough of her. Thursday, Saturday and Sunday are my favorite days of the week because I get to see Jake and Ty. I want my sister to send me pictures of Rebekah all the time so I can see her cute face (one day you'll be close!). Despite how much their sin nature comes out--and boy, it does--I will love them. And no matter how much I discipline them, they will love me. That is love actually.
Over the past few months I have seen God in a different way. I have seen myself in a different way, which I think is why I have seen God in a different way. I am weak. I am broken...big time. I sin. I get frustrated faster than I should, especially when I drive. I want things to go my way, all the time. I am a control freak. I live a life that I never thought would be mine, and I'm not always happy about it. I can be really judgemental. I don't have a lot of mercy. Yet God loves me. He loves me more than I could ask or imagine. He never gives up on me, no matter what. He loves me so much that he decided to come down to earth in the most helpless way, as a baby, solely to live a life that would ultimately end in the most horrific death. Just to save a broken and rebellious soul like mine. To me, that is love actually.