Right now, in this moment, I am defeated. My emotions have been all over the map today, going from one extreme to the other.
This afternoon I had a young life banquet in which one of my campaigner girls was able to share her testimony. Emma is super shy, yet she rose to the challenge of standing up in front of over a hundred people to share how the ministry of young life has changed her. As I listened to her, my eyes filled with tears. I was so moved by her words and was feeling unbelievably blessed to have had the priviledge to be a part of her story. I am still amazed that God chooses to use me, as busted as they come, to impact the lives of others. It was so encouraging and reassured me that God has me where I am for a reason.
Shortly after the banquet I had a conversation that was discouraging and instantly filled me with stressful frustration. On one hand, I am able to build relationships with girls who desire to not only be in relationship with me, but also desire to deepen their relationships with Christ. Yet at the same time, there are others who say one thing and do another. It is so defeating to pour yourself into someone, to pursue and pray for them, only to have them shut down and walk away. I am left feeling overwhelmed and stressed. My heart physically aches.
Every year I ask myself if I still want to be a young life leader. Thus far, I have always answered yes. I wish that every relationship that I am able to build looked like Emma's, yet that doesn't happen. All in all, God calls us to be faithful and obedient. He calls us to trust him and that is what I am clumsily trying to do. On days like today, the only thing that gives me hope is knowing that he is in control and I am able to rest in that.
1 comment:
Bec,
Perhaps you are just planting seeds. Perhaps they just need time to grow in the hearts of these girls. I wish you didn't feel sad. My dear old friend! Email me sometime and update me on your life. Someday we'll hang out again. :)
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