dreams.

Back in January I went to a weekend leadership retreat for young life. We spent the nice and cozy weekend at a house in Maupin, relishing in the beautiful views, good company, uplifting fellowship and times of reflection. One of the sessions was focused on our dreams, not the dreams that visit you in your sleep, rather the ones that you desire to accomplish. We were told that we had to write down at least twenty in the 9 minutes we were given, and both possible and impossible dreams should be featured. For the first few minutes I just sat there. Twenty dreams??! That seemed impossible. Yet as I allowed myself to think outside of my realistic box, I was able to jot down a few. The first one that came to mind and seemed to be something I could accomplish was this: write and publish a children's book.

I have always loved to write. I remember restarting up the school newspaper in middle school and being so excited to write stories. In high school, my journalism teacher sent in a few of my articles to contests and a couple of them won awards. My first job at OSU was as a writing assistant in the writing center. Writing papers at Multnomah was one of my favorite things; the longer the better!

After I graduated college, one of the jobs I had was at a preschool. I remember reading a book to the kids and thinking, "I can do WAY better than this! I should write children's books..." And I did. To date, I have written four. They are all sitting very nicely on my computer. I don't know where to go from here. Because I am a realist, I don't believe that anything will ever happen with it. But what if, for a moment, I make the choice to allow my dream to float out of my box and come true...Maybe I'll be forced to dream more often.

Worth a thousand words

I remember back to when I was in high school and FINALLY got my own room. I had shared a room with 1-3 of my siblings until I was a sophomore in high school, and beleive me, the day I moved m stuff into the next room was highly anticipated!! I decided that it would be a good idea to basically wallpaper one of the walls with pictures. And with a little tape, my picture wall was a reality. I loved it, no matter how unorganized and unclassy it looked.

Photography has always intrigued me. I am mesmerized by the ability to catch little moments, capture them and create them to be something that doesn't just pass. I admire those who can look at an ordinary scene and make it something unique and beautiful. One of my dreams in life is to take a photography class. It sounds simple, but it is something that I have yet to do. I do enjoy taking pictures, but I would like to perfect my amateur hobby.

Yesterday, I had the day off of work. I asked Erica, Stacy and the girls to come downtown for lunch and a photo session. I was able to capture some cool moments and am so thankful that I was able to spend the day doing this. Here are some of my favorite shots:

just.me

For some reason, starting a blog post is always the hardest part for me. I often feel like I have more than enough to say, but sitting in front of a blank screen and trying to get out what is jumbled in my head can be so very daunting. The lights are off, the heater in on, my thoughts are reeling and the tv is droning in the background. Here I sit...

It's obviously been awhile since I last put in the effort to blog. I feel as though my life is rather insignificant. I go through many of my days on autopilot, thankfully bored by the uneventful things that take place. It doesn't seem to be an enthralling read to me.

All in all, I decided to refresh my blog with a new look and write about things other than my day to day life. I would love to share my dreams, the things I love, the things I'm passionate about. I desire to be transparent and authentic. Over these past couple of months, I have realized that I want to be free to be me. I have always known that God made me uniquely, yet at the same time I have desperately tried to be the person that I want others to see me as. That is exhausting.

In January I had the opportunity to attend my mom's cousin's funeral. Jenni died of cancer. She fought long and hard, leaving behind four devestated children and an even more heart broken husband. I didn't personally know her that well, but tears streamed steadily from my eyes throughout the service. Jenni knew who she was, embraced it and made no apologies for it. She was full of life and used every opportunity that God gave her.

That is how I want to be. I may be introverted and enjoy spending time alone, but I want to touch people's lives. I may love to shop and have the clothes to prove it, but I want to be generous with my money. I may work long days and spent most of them exhausted, but I want to be somebody that is there for people no matter what. I may be broken, but God uses those who have nothing to give. And I'm not making any apologies for it.

So, here it is. Just me...