just.me

For some reason, starting a blog post is always the hardest part for me. I often feel like I have more than enough to say, but sitting in front of a blank screen and trying to get out what is jumbled in my head can be so very daunting. The lights are off, the heater in on, my thoughts are reeling and the tv is droning in the background. Here I sit...

It's obviously been awhile since I last put in the effort to blog. I feel as though my life is rather insignificant. I go through many of my days on autopilot, thankfully bored by the uneventful things that take place. It doesn't seem to be an enthralling read to me.

All in all, I decided to refresh my blog with a new look and write about things other than my day to day life. I would love to share my dreams, the things I love, the things I'm passionate about. I desire to be transparent and authentic. Over these past couple of months, I have realized that I want to be free to be me. I have always known that God made me uniquely, yet at the same time I have desperately tried to be the person that I want others to see me as. That is exhausting.

In January I had the opportunity to attend my mom's cousin's funeral. Jenni died of cancer. She fought long and hard, leaving behind four devestated children and an even more heart broken husband. I didn't personally know her that well, but tears streamed steadily from my eyes throughout the service. Jenni knew who she was, embraced it and made no apologies for it. She was full of life and used every opportunity that God gave her.

That is how I want to be. I may be introverted and enjoy spending time alone, but I want to touch people's lives. I may love to shop and have the clothes to prove it, but I want to be generous with my money. I may work long days and spent most of them exhausted, but I want to be somebody that is there for people no matter what. I may be broken, but God uses those who have nothing to give. And I'm not making any apologies for it.

So, here it is. Just me...