say.cheese

Charlie has decided that this is his "best smile" face...Hm. It's not the best smile but it just may be the cutest face EVER!

prima.ballerina

When I was three I was in a ballet class. It didn't last long, not because I wasn't talented, but because I was humiliated. Well, let's be honest, I probably wasn't that talented either. The only memory I have was that my friend was talking to me and I asked her to be quiet. In that moment the teacher saw me, yelled at me and had me stand in the corner facing the wall. I still remember the feeling...mortification.

Years later, aka now, I have been taking Claudia to ballet. Her experience has been the polar opposite of mine. When she is in class her entire being radiates joy. It is so much fun to watch! Two weekends ago she was in a little performance and it was so incredibly cute. I watched the two minute dance with a smile on my face. And then I cried...I am one proud nanny!

addicted.

Hi, my name is Becca and I'm addicted to shopping. There, I said it. My sister has been telling me this for years, but I refused to acknowledge it. But then I found myself in the shoe department at Nordstrom yesterday, eyes closed, breathing in the intoxicating smell of new shoes and it hit me, "Becca, you have a problem." I've heard that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery...here's to hoping.

total.eclipse.of.the.heart

Last weekend I was out at Washington Family Ranch for a women's weekend. Although we arrived late on friday, skipped the sessions on saturday for some much needed time in the sun and only heard two talks, it was a lot of fun. Anytime I can get away and relax, especially out at the Ranch, it's a good time! Saturday night we had an 80's dinner and it was so fun to dress up and dance to 80's music. I was more of a 90's child considering the fact that I was 8 when the 80's were over, but I tell you, I kind of dig the 80's. The movies and music are BOMB; the clothes...not so great. We looked pretty great though!!


Rocking it


Julie Reeves


Sweet Olivia


Maria


Stacy, who looked AWESOME! She totally channeled the friend from "The Wedding Singer"


Some of the ladies in my room

birthday.dinner

Last month my roommate Maria and best friend Stacy planned a birthday dinner for me at Henry's Tavern downtown in the Pearl District. It was a lot of fun to have some of my dearest friends come together and celebrate with me. Thanks my lovely friends!!


Maria and Cate


Mar


Dear friend Ashley


Kristi, Maria and Cate


My best friend Stacy and one of my oldest friends (and new mommy!!) Julia

anthropologie.

I have a new obsession. It's a good thing that I don't have a lot of money because I would NOT be able to resist spending it at Anthropologie. They have the coolest stuff but it is so expensive. I have been itching to redecorate something, namely my room. I don't have the finances to do an overhaul, so instead I am just making myself crazy and drooling over the possibilities...

I love exposed brick. It is a secret dream of mine to live in a cool vintage apartment in either Chicago or NYC that has exposed brick.

I would love to take a square of this wallpaper, frame it and put in in a collage.


I LOVE these colors. I don't love the black paint, but the colors of the quilt and the chandelier are gorgeous!


I love the texture of this bedspread, the airy feel of the room, the chair and the vintage distressed dresser.


I love the headboard in this room. (The guy in the painting totally freaks me out.)


The brightness of the colors are this quilt are beautiful. I love the contrast of the colors and the complimentary throw pillows.


This shelf and frames above the bed are my favorite. The bedding is so simple, but the way that this is all put together is so amazing. When can I move in here?!

29.

It was twenty-nine years ago that I, in all my messy glory, emerged from my mother's birth canal. What a glorious day it was! My poor mother had not only been laborously walking the halls for 24 hours, I also decided to stay in my cozy little sack for two extra weeks. No thank you. (To my future children, that will not be happening. Don't get too overly comfy in there...that is if I'm still able to bare children at the ripe old age of 65 when I'll probably, finally get married.)

I was thinking about this birthday. The last year in my 20's...Honestly, I thought I would be married with at least two kids by now. I was feeling depressed about the fact that the one goal I have has not been reached. Instead of sitting around and wallowing in things that I cannot change, I decided to think about the things that I have done in my 20's. So here it is folks...In no particular order, 29 things from my 20's!!

1.) I spent my 20th birthday on a flight over to France. It was the shortest birthday EVER, but quite possibly the coolest.
2.) I graduated college.
3.) I went on a trip to Africa.
4.) I got a tatoo.
5.) I had my first serious relationship.
6.) I took a trip to Italy with my grandma.
7.) I moved into Portland.
8.) I paid off $13,500 in debt in a year.
9.) I bought a car.
10.)I went to Paris with my best friend Erica and my parents.
11.)I became a young life leader.
12.)I lost friendships.
13.)I became a little obsessed with clothes, specifically boots.
14.)I fell in love with art.
15.)I bought a dog, had a bit of an anxiety attack and sold it two days later.
16.)I began my job as a nanny.
17.)I went to Italy with the family I nanny for.
18.)I became an auntie...three times.
19.)I gained some life changing friendships.
20.)I went to Slovenia on a mission trip.
21.)I got my heart broken.
22.)I became addicted to coffee.
23.)I was in nine weddings.
24.)I had my first drink.
25.)I went to Prague.
26.)My type-A, ocd kicked into full force.
27.)I fell in love with NYC.
28.)I fell in love.
29.)I learned that no matter what I do, God still desires to have a relationship with me. He loves me, unabashedly. He waits for me. He pursues me, relentlessly. I learned that I am broken, but God still chooses to use me. He is the only one who has always been there and always will be. He is the one who has saved me, the one I boast in, the one I live for. And most definitely the one I love.

I think that 30 will come too soon. I have a pretty good feeling that despite my dreams of being married and having a family by the time I'm 30 won't happen. (Well, technically the dream was for it to happen by 25...Not so much.) I'm really going to try to be okay with that. God has blessed me in so many ways and I need to focus on that. So that's my new goal, count the blessings, not the frustrations. Here's to 29!

full.spectrum

Right now, in this moment, I am defeated. My emotions have been all over the map today, going from one extreme to the other.

This afternoon I had a young life banquet in which one of my campaigner girls was able to share her testimony. Emma is super shy, yet she rose to the challenge of standing up in front of over a hundred people to share how the ministry of young life has changed her. As I listened to her, my eyes filled with tears. I was so moved by her words and was feeling unbelievably blessed to have had the priviledge to be a part of her story. I am still amazed that God chooses to use me, as busted as they come, to impact the lives of others. It was so encouraging and reassured me that God has me where I am for a reason.

Shortly after the banquet I had a conversation that was discouraging and instantly filled me with stressful frustration. On one hand, I am able to build relationships with girls who desire to not only be in relationship with me, but also desire to deepen their relationships with Christ. Yet at the same time, there are others who say one thing and do another. It is so defeating to pour yourself into someone, to pursue and pray for them, only to have them shut down and walk away. I am left feeling overwhelmed and stressed. My heart physically aches.

Every year I ask myself if I still want to be a young life leader. Thus far, I have always answered yes. I wish that every relationship that I am able to build looked like Emma's, yet that doesn't happen. All in all, God calls us to be faithful and obedient. He calls us to trust him and that is what I am clumsily trying to do. On days like today, the only thing that gives me hope is knowing that he is in control and I am able to rest in that.

dreams.

Back in January I went to a weekend leadership retreat for young life. We spent the nice and cozy weekend at a house in Maupin, relishing in the beautiful views, good company, uplifting fellowship and times of reflection. One of the sessions was focused on our dreams, not the dreams that visit you in your sleep, rather the ones that you desire to accomplish. We were told that we had to write down at least twenty in the 9 minutes we were given, and both possible and impossible dreams should be featured. For the first few minutes I just sat there. Twenty dreams??! That seemed impossible. Yet as I allowed myself to think outside of my realistic box, I was able to jot down a few. The first one that came to mind and seemed to be something I could accomplish was this: write and publish a children's book.

I have always loved to write. I remember restarting up the school newspaper in middle school and being so excited to write stories. In high school, my journalism teacher sent in a few of my articles to contests and a couple of them won awards. My first job at OSU was as a writing assistant in the writing center. Writing papers at Multnomah was one of my favorite things; the longer the better!

After I graduated college, one of the jobs I had was at a preschool. I remember reading a book to the kids and thinking, "I can do WAY better than this! I should write children's books..." And I did. To date, I have written four. They are all sitting very nicely on my computer. I don't know where to go from here. Because I am a realist, I don't believe that anything will ever happen with it. But what if, for a moment, I make the choice to allow my dream to float out of my box and come true...Maybe I'll be forced to dream more often.

Worth a thousand words

I remember back to when I was in high school and FINALLY got my own room. I had shared a room with 1-3 of my siblings until I was a sophomore in high school, and beleive me, the day I moved m stuff into the next room was highly anticipated!! I decided that it would be a good idea to basically wallpaper one of the walls with pictures. And with a little tape, my picture wall was a reality. I loved it, no matter how unorganized and unclassy it looked.

Photography has always intrigued me. I am mesmerized by the ability to catch little moments, capture them and create them to be something that doesn't just pass. I admire those who can look at an ordinary scene and make it something unique and beautiful. One of my dreams in life is to take a photography class. It sounds simple, but it is something that I have yet to do. I do enjoy taking pictures, but I would like to perfect my amateur hobby.

Yesterday, I had the day off of work. I asked Erica, Stacy and the girls to come downtown for lunch and a photo session. I was able to capture some cool moments and am so thankful that I was able to spend the day doing this. Here are some of my favorite shots:

just.me

For some reason, starting a blog post is always the hardest part for me. I often feel like I have more than enough to say, but sitting in front of a blank screen and trying to get out what is jumbled in my head can be so very daunting. The lights are off, the heater in on, my thoughts are reeling and the tv is droning in the background. Here I sit...

It's obviously been awhile since I last put in the effort to blog. I feel as though my life is rather insignificant. I go through many of my days on autopilot, thankfully bored by the uneventful things that take place. It doesn't seem to be an enthralling read to me.

All in all, I decided to refresh my blog with a new look and write about things other than my day to day life. I would love to share my dreams, the things I love, the things I'm passionate about. I desire to be transparent and authentic. Over these past couple of months, I have realized that I want to be free to be me. I have always known that God made me uniquely, yet at the same time I have desperately tried to be the person that I want others to see me as. That is exhausting.

In January I had the opportunity to attend my mom's cousin's funeral. Jenni died of cancer. She fought long and hard, leaving behind four devestated children and an even more heart broken husband. I didn't personally know her that well, but tears streamed steadily from my eyes throughout the service. Jenni knew who she was, embraced it and made no apologies for it. She was full of life and used every opportunity that God gave her.

That is how I want to be. I may be introverted and enjoy spending time alone, but I want to touch people's lives. I may love to shop and have the clothes to prove it, but I want to be generous with my money. I may work long days and spent most of them exhausted, but I want to be somebody that is there for people no matter what. I may be broken, but God uses those who have nothing to give. And I'm not making any apologies for it.

So, here it is. Just me...